This week in phraseology

I’m writing to you from paradise, aka spring in the Midwest. Windows are open 24/7, trees are flowering, birds are singing, daffodils, tulips, and trillium are blooming, and bunnies and groundhogs are looking cute while being destructive—a superpower if ever there was one.

I even saw two of our resident wild turkeys having sex on my neighbors’ lawn, while a third appeared to cheer them on. A fourth if you count me saying “hell yeah” as I coasted by in my Subaru.

Incidentally, did you know groundhogs could climb fences? I didn’t until this week:

But enough bragging about inhabiting the only good time of year to live here. You came here for unique words and phrases, and I’ve got some good ones for you. This week, we have geometric idiocracy, a cargo crime fighter, a testicular repast literally nobody asked for, and more.

Let’s get to it!

1. Jeffermation

Jeff Goldblum being charmingly egocentric is always a balm.

You should be able to click play on the web version of this edition without having to go to Instagram, but for those without an IG account, here’s a play-by-play:

We start with Goldblum talking to himself in a handheld mirror:

“Uh, Here’s a Jeffermation for you.

(Repeats for emphasis) A Jeffermation.

Uh, it goes like this: I am on fire.”

Then the camera pans away to show off his glorious floral print shirt, as he adds:

“And: Who’s got marshmallows?” 🔥

It’s just such a Jeff Goldblum thing to do. Like this:

I will forever be mad that Netflix cancelled the Greek mythology-themed series KAOS after just one season. Casting Goldblum as Zeus, aka Zaddy, was brilliant and the writing, casting, and cinematography were so good.

2. Food tornado

Jessica Knurick is a popular health and nutrition influencer who has a PhD in nutrition science. She recently shared a video about RFK Jr. inverting the food pyramid—a government model that hasn’t been a thing since 2005.

So, flipping the dormant food pyramid = busywork that appears like actual work and also has no tangible meaning or benefit to the public. Got it.

In this video, Dr. Knurick shares why inverting the food pyramid an empty-calorie move, adding that she heard someone call it the food tornado. The whole video is great and worth a watch to see her call out Kennedy’s BS.

3. Romanian Rollover

TV writer Brian Grubb at Type Click Type also enjoys writing about heists - a great Venn diagram of interests.

While covering the recent Kit Kat bar heist in Europe, Grubb linked to this fascinating article about Mike Dawber, the UK’s leading detective covering cargo crime (both a great phrase and a TV show I would absolutely watch if someone made it):

The latest, and most audacious, type of cargo theft is known, somewhat dubiously, as the “Romanian rollover,” in which criminals from eastern Europe target trucks while they’re on the move. The pursuers climb on to their own bonnets and break into the truck ahead while on the motorway; boxes are tossed back at speeds of more than 50mph. Dawber showed me a video of one such operation: I watched as two men climbed out of the sunroof of an SUV that was tailgating a truck, one holding on to the others’ legs as he broke into the truck’s rear door ahead.

Somebody PLEASE make this TV show.

4. Nurdles (revisited)

This is the first time I’ve repeated a word for this project! The first time I covered nurdle back in 2023, we learned it’s a word used to describe “a wave-shaped blob of toothpaste.”

But a recent newsletter from the American Bird Conservancy shared that nurdles are tiny plastic pellets used to build larger products such as phone cases or food containers. When nurdles are accidentally or intentionally dumped into the water supply, wild birds can mistake them for food, with predictably devastating consequences. There is legislation making its way through the least functional Congress ever to prohibit plastic pellet discharge. Until then, we’re stuck with trusting companies to do the right thing.

We know how well that goes - there’s very recent history about corporate pollution in multiple places in the U.S. The Cuyahoga River used to regularly catch fire, FFS! Then we passed the Clean Water Act, which stopped companies from polluting on that scale.

Here’s another great example of what’s possible through citizen action that spurs legislation:

5. Sewer socialism

I like this phrase quite a bit because it’s both catchy and manages to spin a humble necessity into something immediately recognizable as a positive.

I shared this post summarizing Zohran Mamdani’s first 100 days in office as mayor of New York City, commenting that it sounds disgusting and terrible.

Affordable living? Universal childcare? Faster buses? What fresh hell is this?

I’d just read Cory Doctorow mention the phrase sewer socialism in a recent newsletter arguing that government austerity—aka starving government services—breeds fascism.

The piece mentions Mamdani, and got me curious about what that phrase meant:

Everywhere we turn, political leaders are rejecting generations of failed austerity in favor of "sewer socialism" – the idea that you get people to trust their government by earning that trust. Zohran Mamdani is fixing 100,000 potholes in the first 100 days, despite the multi-billion dollar deficit that outgoing Mayor Eric Adams created by "running the city like a business."

Essentially, sewer socialism describes how improving the everyday lives of people welcomes them into your politics. And it started in the Midwest—in Milwaukee!

Eric Blanc at Labor Politics wrote a detailed history of the origins of sewer socialism in Cream City:

It was easy to play with “revolutionary phrases,” but Berger noted that this did not do much to move workers closer to socialism. While it was important to continue propagating the big ideas of socialism, what America’s leftists needed above all was “concrete political achievements, not theoretical treatises ... less mouth-work, more footwork.”

Outside of the furthest extremes, people don’t want performative politics and lip service; they want evidence that their lives will be measurably better if they vote for you. I’d love to see more mainstream Democrats understand this, or get voted out in favor of progressive leaders who enact policies that actually benefit the people.

6. Man Cereal

What.

The best reply to this was: “Oh yeah? Explain to me what's in these Grape Nuts I've been eating then???”

Runner-up: “Up til now I've had to dip pop tarts in barbecue rub while polishing a replica sword.”

Here are two reviews of Man Cereal, because I love you:

1. I Tried ‘Man Cereal’—and Asked Dietitians for Their Thoughts. Things Got Ugly. - Men’s Health

2. I’m a 40-year-old woman. So why did I spend a week eating Man Cereal? - Yahoo!life

That’s it for this week! Remember to keep making it weird, and stay furiously curious!

This week in phraseology

Did you watch the NASA mission splashdown on Friday? I did, with my heart in my throat, because I desperately needed those humans to be safe. I know I’m not the only one who felt this way. In this chaotic era where all of the wrong people are in charge and also bent on destruction so they can juice the stock market and make insider bets on prediction markets, seeing a wholesome, positive story about scientific potential was a balm and a source of deep joy. To continue those good vibes, this week features more than one NASA-themed phrase. Sorry not sorry to the space mission haters.

In other news, I left the house! In hard pants! Twice! First to see Project Hail Mary and then Florence + The Machine. A+ cathartic, art-filled weekending with no small amount of crying. Highly recommend.

1. Calculighter

You really have to pay attention to random stuff you see online because AI makes it harder to tell artificial creations from reality. (I’m looking at you, cute pet videos.) When I saw a meme about the Casio Calculighter1, (click to see a pic of it in action) which seemed so stupidly implausible to me, I had to investigate.

Turns out this product really existed. Keith Houston, author of an ode to calculators called Empire of the Sum (chef’s kiss), shares that Casio’s first product was a yubiwa pipe, a ring with a cigarette holder attached to it. Funding from sales of that product allowed them to create other products, including calculators. According to Houston, from this standpoint, the Casio QL-10 Calculighter made sense:

Had this been any other calculator company, it would be have been entirely possible to deride the QL-10 as ’80s excess gone mad. But Casio alone could claim method in its madness, because it had got started not with electronic instruments, as had Hewlett-Packard; nor with geophysical surveying equipment, like Texas Instruments; nor cameras, like Canon; but rather, with the humble yubiwa cigarette holder. For Casio, the QL-10 was a homecoming.

We need more weird product mashups like this. Everyone loves a multi-tool!

2. Cassette futurism

This phrase evokes a beloved aesthetic that I’ve long enjoyed as a sci-fi fan but could never quite articulate. Culture, gaming, and TV/movie writer wrote an ode to cassette futurism that examines whether it’s an antidote to digital burnout. He describes the vibe here:

Cassette futurism is a retro-futuristic aesthetic from around 1970-1985, and is a subgenre of sci-fi that essentially envisions a future through utilitarian, analogue technology. Think tech that was available in that time period: bulky computers, cassette tapes, CRT monitors, physical buttons, VHS/Beta systems, floppy disks, reel-to-reel tapes, Polaroids, dot matrix printers, microcomputers, and so on.

Star Wars—including my beloved Andor—and Star Trek are examples that immediately come to mind, along with the movies Alien and Blade Runner. Even though these stories depict fictional worlds or futures, there’s something comforting about not just the retro feel but the tactile nature of the tech. As Piggott notes in his essay, in the world of Andor, there’s no wifi; you have to make an effort to connect with both information and other beings. He then draws a line to us algorithm- and screen-weary humans today. We’re adopting older tech including vinyl records, compact discs, dumbphones, and land lines. And maybe a Calculighter?

h/t to at Semi-Rad for this one.

3. Leland Melvin Day

This meme is making the rounds, especially on Tumblr. If you were extremely online back in the day, the photo of astronaut Leland Melvin posing with his dogs while wearing his flight suit was a source of wholesome joy.

But, sometimes I hate my need to know the backstory behind phrases. What this meme doesn’t share is that the Lynchburg mayor declared April 7th Leland Melvin Day at a convocation service for Liberty University (eww), founded by Jerry Falwell (ewwww), where Melvin was the keynote speaker in 2008 (facepalm). Maybe it’s a good thing that he forgot all about this event, as I would like to as well.

4. Moon joy

I saw a meme noting that next year there will be a wave of babies named Artemis Moon Joy and I ain’t even mad.

The New York Times covered how this phrase came about:

Reid Wiseman of NASA, the mission’s commander, eagerly noted impact craters and a swirl on the lunar surface.

“It’s just everything from the training, but in three dimensions and absolutely unbelievable,” he said. “This is incredible.”

Jacki Mahaffey, a NASA officer in mission control, laughed in response. “Copy, moon joy,” she said.

5. The overview effect

While reading up on some of the Artemis-related phrases for this edition, I came across this piece in Scientific American that describes the overview effect. Coined by aptly-named science author Frank Write in 1987, the overview effect describes the profound cognitive impact astronauts feel after viewing Earth from a distance. Write also argued that this effect extends to the rest of us when we view photos taken from space.

However, in the same article, U of Chicago space historian Jordan Bimm argues that the overview effect is more cultural than an inherent human response, adding that it’s “handy marketing for private space companies.” Fair point. A 2024 Dutch study monitored brain waves and self-reporting of participants who took a VR space journey and found evidence for the cognitive effects of space travel.

I wonder how studying people experiencing something else utterly new and awe-inspiring would compare; are we just describing what happens when we feel a sense of wonder, or is there truly something unique that happens to us when we see our home from space? We need more science to find out.

6. Competency porn

wrote a great post at Airplane Mode that captures what so many of us are feeling:

Artemis II is Competency Porn and We Are Starving For It

Subhed: girls will be like i needed this and it’s just four nerds in space

Did you feel it too? That specific relief that’s hard to name. I found myself trying to understand it. The closest I can get is this: the feeling of watching something go right and realizing, somewhere deep in your body, that you had forgotten things could go right. Because when something actually goes right, when the people in charge do their jobs well, speak in full sentences, make decisions that protect people instead of endangering them, the reaction can feel strangely emotional. What you’re feeling isn’t just relief, it’s grief. Grief for every year you spent bracing. Grief for how normal the bracing became. Grief for how completely you forgot that competence was once ordinary.

That is not a small thing. That is your nervous system coming up for air. I want you to enjoy it. And when they land, and they will land, and the news cycle will move on immediately as it always does, I want you to remember that you felt this.

So say we all. The whole post is great - head over to read it.

Bonus Nuggets

1. Who doesn’t love an American Woodcock video?

My algo has discovered that I love American Woodcock videos, so here’s a 15-second clip that made me literally laugh-cry (sound on, I implore you):

2. Mary Oliver documentary!!!

“I very much wished not to be noticed, and to be left alone.”

ME TOO, MARY. ME. TOO.

Seeing Jon Waters in this makes me want to see it even more.

3. Clippy would never

This week in phraseology

Hello there! In this edition of Wordpecker, we have interstellar commodes, a salty pope, fuzzy felt facsimiles, and more.

Let’s get to it!

1. Dumb McNamara

In a phrase that reads like a recurring SNL skit, Dumb McNamara is a nickname Pentagon and Department of Defense staffers have reportedly bestowed upon the soft-bodied, self-designated “Secretary of War,” Pete Hegseth. This is a reference to Vietnam-era Secretary of Defense Robert McNamara, who seemed to fuck up that war pretty badly but remained respected as a military strategist. I am no war historian; I only care about this man as a conduit for burning Hegseth.

Coincidence alert - Jono Hey wrote about The McNamara Fallacy this week for Sketchplanations, which is also named for Robert McNamara but totally unrelated to being a bloodthirsty and eye-wateringly stupid warmonger.

Which brings us to our next phrase . . .

2. Holy as fuck

If you’re a Chicagoan, Catholic, and a White Sox fan, Pope Leo memes are your time to shine. (Shoutout to my pal Mike!)

Pop culture translation for any non-Xennial/GenX/Boomers reading who may not know the visual reference: Young Pope Leo is dressed here as one of the Blues Brothers, a movie that is basically a love letter to Chicago.

It seems Pope Leo is also not a fan of Dumb McNamara. This week, he made a statement that God rejects the prayers of leaders who wage wars, a pointed reference to Hegseth recently leading prayers for “overwhelming violence of action” against Iran. I’m not religious at all, but even I know that Jesus and violence are not supposed to go together.

3. Zodiacal glow

I saw this phrase in Liz Neeley’s newsletter, Meeting the Moment, which covers news and events in science and higher education. More commonly referenced as zodiacal light, I prefer glow as a more evocative and lovely option befitting Neeley’s writing. She describes this phenomenon as “a result of interplanetary dust scattering the sunlight,” and was specifically referencing this incredible image of Earth taken this week from the Orion spacecraft. You can see zodiacal glow at the bottom right of the image. Here’s a fun explainer by astrophysicist Katie Mack. By the way, there are lots of fake images of the Artemis II expedition, so double-check against what NASA is posting before sharing.

The good news is, you don’t need to be in space to see it, although moonlight and human-made light make it hard to see. Team Dark Skies!

SKYbrary, which I’ve written about before here, describes zodiacal glow with an image of what it looks like from Earth:

Zodiacal light (also called false dawn when seen before sunrise) is a faint, diffuse, and roughly triangular white glow that is visible in the night sky and appears to extend from the Sun's direction and along the zodiac, straddling the ecliptic, which is the plane of Earth's orbit around the Sun.

Here’s an image from the New York Public Library:

All this space talk brings us to the next phrase . . .

4. Rogue floating turds

If you’re new here, you may not know I curate a collection of amusing headlines, and this week, another one made the cut:

Poop in space revisited: Apollo 10’s floating turds pop up 44 years later

In an incident sometimes described as “Close Encounters of the Turd Kind,” a transcript of the Apollo 10 mission, uh, log describes the three astronauts dealing with more than one errant poop, released from the confines of both gravity and the plastic storage bag where they belonged. Hat tip to Morning Brew for use of the word rogue to complete this phrase.

The current mission to the moon is significant because it’s the first spacecraft outfitted with a space toilet1. This, uh, piece from CNN describing some of the crew’s troubles with the new commode features a subheading “Glistening space pee,” a stupendous phrase if ever I saw one. The line from the toilet that ejects urine froze, so astronauts were instructed to temporarily use the toilet for poop only.

I don’t know about you, but how is that even possible? Do I need to do more kegels? Did an AI that has never once pooped write those instructions? Anyway, the fix was: We shot the pee out into space, where it glistened, freed up the toilet for full use once again, and hopefully didn’t accidentally start an intergalactic war due to the grave insult of flinging excreta around the galaxy.

5. Bonjour Ottawa

Barry Petchesky at Defector wrote a thoughtful essay about the mayor of Ottawa’s mid photos of his city (gift link), shared on the stupidly named X/formerly Twitter from his morning runs. He opens each tweet with “Good morning, Ottawa. Bonjour, Ottawa.” There’s something to be said for not making everything Instagrammable or otherwise palatable to sell something to others, and Petchesky says it well here.

7. Felted Nudibranchs

Before reading about this phrase, you really need to click this link at Colossal to see how visually stunning this project is. While working as a cook at a remote bio-research facility on an island in the White Sea, Georgian artist Arena Borevich became fascinated with nudibranchs, or sea slugs, which come in a delightful array of shapes and colors. (I wrote about one variety here.)

Because it probably gets pretty boring on a Russian island science station, Borevich started making tiny felted wool renditions of these colorful creatures to share with the scientists and students working there. A decade later, she runs Wool Creature Lab, with monthly giveaways for Patreon supporters (currently paused for the artist’s maternity leave).

The Wool Creature Lab Instagram is a pretty fun follow, too.

Learn more about nudibranchs and check out some great photos at the National History Museum, London.

Book hype interlude: One I’m stoked about

My talented zine-making friend Lee wrote a book on a topic that feels deeply relevant right now:

The book explores why it’s so hard to make friends in adulthood from both practical and societal angles and makes a bold case for creating a less lonely world.

• If you’re Canadian, you can preorder directly from the author here (puts more $ in the author’s pocket) or from the publisher (boosts the odds of future book deals).

• American? Sucks to be us in general but at least we can get a copy via Lee’s U.S. store. (Preorders from U.S. booksellers coming soon!)

Bonus Nuggets

1. For those who prefer flying to driving

Wordpecker reader Mel sent this lovely companion to an ideal road trip map I shared recently:

The Poços de Caldas airport code is POO. And yes, there is a PEE: Perm International Airport in Russia. So you can fly from PEE to POO, or reverse it because we don’t kink shame here.

2. Super-weird bloom

As a follow-up to the last edition, here are the names of some of the flowers super-blooming in Death Valley, with links to see what they look like:

• Desert Five-Spot

• Gravel Ghost

• Wallace’s Woolly Daisy

• Popcorn Flower

• Grape soda lupine

Thanks to Wordpecker subscriber Tonya for sending these in!

3. My current favorite meme

I’ve seen more than one variation of this meme; it shows a potentially terrifying natural phenomenon with the caption NOT NOW [TERRIFYING NATURAL PHENOMENON].

If you spot any good versions of this in the wild, please send them to me!

That’s it for this edition! Remember to keep making it weird, and stay furiously curious.

This week in phraseology

Welcome to another edition of Wordpecker! In this edition, we have bean fiends, content slop of the week (it’s slop all the way down these days), cool nature stuff, and more.

Let’s get to it!

1. Leguminous wave

I hadn’t covered this trend yet, but last fall I’d saved fibermaxxing1 as a word to write about here and as a coming trend for 2026. And here we are: Yasmin Tayag artfully writes about “One Food All Americans Can Agree On” for the Atlantic. In this piece, Tayag takes readers through an engaging exploration of the cultural perceptions, nutritional benefits, and rising popularity of beans among MAHA strivers, coupon cutters, and word-of-mouth marketing by beanfluencer superfans of Rancho Gordo heirloom beans, which we’ve explored here previously.

Bean producers are “riding this legumnious wave” of popularity and introducing new twists on old standbys, including prepackaged lunches with Asian- and Mediterranean-inspired flavors.

The article is rife with beany phrase goodness, including the Lentiful brand (co-founded by someone named Ben Bacon), bean innovation, and bean novitiates. I’d also like to note for the record that bean is an objectively great word that’s fun to say.

2. Phylogeny

For all the biology courses I took in college, I’m surprised I’ve not encountered phylogeny, which refers broadly to the connections between organisms based on ancestry. Maybe I did but have since forgotten!

Cornell Lab of Ornithology (I’m a big fan) recently released an interactive Phylogeny Explorer tool, where you can map the ancestry of any bird species. According to the press release, keeping track of the taxonomy for 11,000 bird species is a daunting task. The Phylogeny Explorer aims to support for scientific research or just for funsies.

3. Lawslop

I discovered another circle of AI slop hell via Craig Silverman at Indicator: lawslop. People are creating YouTube accounts with huge viewer counts that show either deepfakes of public figures—like former special counsel Jack Smith issuing warnings about Trump—or fake court proceedings featuring fake people, all presented as if they’re real.

Here’s a thing about AI slop that grinds my gears: It’s not just mid, but it’s unnecessary. The world is full of abundant wonders and interesting stories—we don’t need fake cute animal videos to keep us entertained. Cute animals exist in abundance! As do court cases! We don’t need any of this fleetingly entertaining, mediocre garbage!

4. Taco wizards

When you order from Taco Bell online, the app informs you that taco wizards are busy working on your delicious meal. If I worked at Taco Bell, I would add Taco Wizard to my resume AND LinkedIn profile. Honestly, nothing is stopping me from doing this now.

Confidential to the overlords at the Taco Bell coven: a title like Taco Wizard should command a living wage, don’t you think?

5. Cybertruck for your face

As Meta glasses are becoming more of a thing, stories are emerging of men using them to film women without their consent, a gross loser behavior Meta doesn’t seem bothered by at all. This is unsurprising given that the company’s founder started Facebook as a way to rate the physical appearance of women on college campuses. Oh, and speaking of gross loser behavior, they also want to add facial recognition to Meta glasses.

Instead of banning these creepshot glasses, Ryan Broderick at Garbage Day proposes making them socially uncool by calling them a Cybertruck for your face:

Meta’s business is data and they get that data, largely for free, from users by calling it content creation. They don’t care if “content creation” . . . means terrorizing random women on the street as long as the footage helps their AI understand what that street looks like. In fact, one could argue that by facilitating extremely predatory and aggressive behavior they get the data they want even faster because they are offering their users a perfect excuse to act like complete and utter freaks. And so, the only off-ramp here has to be people pushing back against Meta Ray-Ban users. If we don’t want to be surveilled, we have to start making these things feel like a Cybertruck you wear on your face. And make people feel like the fucking losers they are for walking around with Mark Zuckerberg’s personal spyglass strapped to their heads.

It’s worth a try.

6. Soil seed bank

Have you caught the images of the wildflower superbloom happening in Death Valley, aka the driest place in North America? According to Tiffany Pereira, an ecologist and research scientist at the Desert Research Institute, desert plants are adept at storing energy when water is scarce. Seeds are able to go dormant and wait for the right amount of rainfall to bloom, which happened with a rainier winter this year. The NYT has a good explainer of desert plant ecology with great photos, too.

New! 🌪️ Let’s do a Wordpecker Speed Round 🏃🏻‍♀️

Here’s an occasional Wordpecker segment for words and phrases that don’t require a lot of explanation but are still novel, delightful, and share-worthy.

• Ebesneezer - My husband’s nickname for Yoshi, our parakeet who sneezes a lot 😷

• Diet Cokemon - I found this extremely funny, but maybe you had to be there. While discussing Pokemon (as one does), my husband announced he was going to get a Diet Coke . . . emon. 🥤

• Catsy - A word that came to me in a dream, with no other context. Is it Etsy, but for cats? 🐈

• Big gay IKEA bag - As they say in the law, res ipsa loquitur, or the thing (aka STORSTOMMA) speaks for itself - courtesy of my oldest kid 🏳️‍🌈

• More muscles, more problems - Something my personal trainer says every time we increase weights or reps (he is very mean) 💪🏻

• Soot Yourself - A local chimney sweep company 🏠

That’s it for this week! Remember to keep making it weird and stay furiously curious!

Meat conspiracy | The Mummy’s Thumb

This week in phraseology

Since I last published an update, a whole-ass war broke out, which opened by bombing a school, my beautiful friend died after 2.5 years of pancreatic cancer treatment, and we had a family emergency that is thankfully stable for now. Also, Substack FINALLY, after three years of me bitching about it, added the ability to center text—the most basic of features they held back on because one of the founders doesn’t like it. 🙄🤡

It’s wild how we’re all expected to keep on working like nothing’s wrong and we’re not all still traumatized from COVID. All so we can enrich seven or so billionaire sociopath clowns while being gaslit that things like universal healthcare, free education, and free early childhood care are unaffordable while we can easily afford a billion-dollar-a-day war that we didn’t get a voice in starting.

Yes, I’m salty this week. I’m salty every week.

I took last week off to deal with everything, both logistically and emotionally. Writing Wordpecker is one of the things that tethers me to what is good in this life: Connecting to readers like you, writing jokes, and learning new things.

Another good thing right now is our always-fun discourse in the comments section.

What are you doing to cope with the current horrors? What keeps you tethered to reality, and to what’s good in this life?

Leave a comment

I know you came here for words and phrases, and I’ve got some good ones this week, including yet another fart-themed phrase, the color of mediocrity, the nerd glasses of underwear, and more.

Let’s get to it!

1. Fart piano

As people are on social media less and less and our media landscape continues to fracture, I’m increasingly unsure of how to share some of the fun stuff I find for Wordpecker. I try to source more than one outlet, and most of them have login barrier issues, where sometimes a thing is viewable and sometimes not. Hell, even Substack prevents people from commenting here sometimes because their email login system doesn’t bring you back to the newsletter, but rather Substack’s homepage, and people give up without leaving a comment. Great job, fellas! 🙄🤡

Anyway, it’s a thing, I’m aware of it, and I’m not yet sure of a solution.

Allll that to say: I originally found this post about a toy fart piano by musician Andy Rehfeldt on Instagram, which not everyone uses anymore. But there’s also a YouTube version, which feeds you ads but doesn’t make you sign in. Yay?

Rehfeldt has several shorts featuring him playing songs on the fart piano - please enjoy:

1. Farting in the Name Of

2. Thunderstruck

3. The theme from Halloween

2. Munge

In Don’t Let the Machines Do the Living, Anne Helen Petersen recently wrote about AI in her typically thoughtful, nuanced way that’s worth a read. In this essay, she quotes Brian Eno describing his experience with AI output:

When I was a kid, I liked watercolor painting a lot. And I used to notice that after a day of painting, the water that I was dipping my brush into, which was, of course, a mixture of all the colors I’d touched that day, was always the same color. I called it “munge,” a sort of purply, browny — horrible color, basically. And whenever I’ve tried creating things on ChatGPT … I work very hard to get my prompts right and to filter what I’m saying to it and to try to urge it into something interesting. But the color of munge covers all of it.

Petersen likens this to what she calls pop graveyard, (another great phrase) where you’d get a bit of every soda from a fountain and it always ended up tasting “like orange root beer.” Discernment and taste are good things.

3. Long-sleeve underwear

Miya Acacia, whose Instagram bio reads “professional forehead smoocher,” shared a fun post about the joys of granny panties and did a follow-up where she describes them as long-sleeve underwear, lol.

She also addresses commenters’ fears that men won’t find granny panties sexy. Based on decades of personal experience, my thoughts on that are: Please. Men will take any opportunity to get in there. We could wear shredded boxer shorts, granny panties up to our shoulders, or a soggy paper grocery bag from our last Taco Bell order; it doesn’t matter—you’ll still get some.

4. Broad-billed Motmot

Continuing my working theory that the people who name birds do lots of interesting drugs, we have the Broad-billed Motmot. These little mountain-forest dwellers are found near the Andes Mountains in Central and South America. Motmot is very fun to say, and they sure are gorgeous:

5. Meat conspiracy

Matt Stoller’s newsletter, Big, which covers antitrust news, is a great source of information for making sense of our current enshittified society. When Stoller recently covered the Amazon price-fixing case, which is W-I-L-D stuff, he mentioned a meat conspiracy price-fixing case.

Researching this led to even more great phrases. The incredibly-named National Hog Farmer reports on lawsuits known as in re Pork dating back to 2018, which allege that American pork producers are engaging in a price-fixing conspiracy. Because of course they are. At some point, the business world needs to start comprehending the concept of “enough.” If you have to cheat to win, you’re losing. Well, they’re not losing but the rest of us sure are. And some of us are researching DIY guillotines.

6. The Mummy’s Thumb

My brother, a 55-year-old man with Down Syndrome, is obsessed with Svengoolie, a campy pre-MST3K show that’s been poking fun at classic horror movies since the late 1970s. On a recent phone call, he mentioned an upcoming movie called The Mummy’s Thumb.

Is the mummy hitchhiking? Writing movie reviews? Or is this what my middle kid described as a Monkey’s Paw scenario, where grave robbers dig up a thumb and bad things happen to them?

I asked my brother if he meant The Mummy’s Tomb, and sure enough, that movie exists. But! Svengoolie is also featuring a film this month called The Mummy’s Hand. Is the Mummy’s Thumb some form or shrinkflation, where we only get the thumb instead of the entire hand? How many mummy body part movies are out there? This is where my research ended, because frankly, I don’t want to know.

Bonus Bits

1. Tired: AI is inevitable. Wired: AI is mid.

Lyz Lenz wrote about AI this week, quoting sociologist, author, and documentary filmmaker Tressie McMillan Cottom in I hate the whole idea of this - another essay worth your time. As a sociology professor whose industry is greatly impacted by AI, Dr. McMillan Cottom has argued that AI products are mid at best from the get-go. Yes, there are good use cases for when speed (but not accuracy) are needed, but they don’t hold up compared to the scale of what we’re being sold. And we are being sold something here.

If you find value in using AI, I get it. It’s very fast at some things, like scanning lots of documents or images, or vibe coding as a starting point, or image editing, or summarizing meetings. It can quickly organize your notes or convert a document into a table. Personally, I find note taking by hand/keyboard helps me remember much more (science seems to back me up here), but I understand that everyone’s work and workloads are different.

But none of its current benefits or use cases negate that LLMs are being oversold as more useful than they actually are, overhyped as “inevitable,” and propped up by a circular economy that’s likely gonna crash, hard. And I haven’t even touched on the environmental impacts, data center controversies, or employers using it as an excuse to fire people in this post - but all of those things are part of the picture, too. I think we need to have hard cultural conversations about whether all of these downsides are worth it.

2. Wordpecker stickers are here!

Way to bury the lede, Toni. OMG OMG OMG! I’m so excited about this. I . . . don’t have an online shop yet, though I’d like to set one up for some of my extremely silly offerings including zines, infographics, and stickers. Let me know if you’d like a sticker - they’re available for free to paid subscribers, who help keep the lights on here at Wordpecker HQ - if that’s you, send me your mailing address!

3. Help PanCan.org find a cure for pancreatic cancer

Please consider donating to PanCan.org in honor of my friend Jennifer, who lived a full life filled with laughter and love. Pancreatic cancer currently has a 13% survival rate, and with the federal government arbitrarily slashing funding, research is threatened. As I keep saying these days, “It’s not much, but it’s not nothing.” Small actions add up.

4. I would totally watch a movie about

Whatever this is:

That’s it for this week! Remember to keep making it weird and stay furiously curious.

This week in phraseology

In this edition, we have belated Olympic buzz, fun animal stories, and new family member news.

Also, something fun: The first person in comments who can name both movies referenced in this edition’s heading and subheading will win a brand new Wordpecker sticker!

Leave a comment

Let’s get to it!

1. Robocutter

As a follow-up to a recent post about the capercaillie, an endangered Scottish bird, I read about an automated brush cutter used to encourage growth of one of the birds’ favorite foods. Colloquially called a Robocutter, you can see an image of one here, and delight in how it looks like a shih tsu.

I don’t know about you, but I am hungry for good news, and so here’s some: capercaillie populations have increased 50% since 2020. 👏🏻

Can we please make an animated short about Robocutter and the capercaillie adventuring in the forest?

2. Boopgate

Sorry I’m late on Olympic news, but I was on vacation with my husband two weeks ago disentangling from some pretty severe burnout. A huge privilege, I know. This phrase comes from a cheating scandal in the winter Olympics sport we all love to mock: Curling.

During a match between the Swedish and Canadian teams, the Swedish team accused a Canadian player of touching the curling stone after the point where you’re not supposed to do that (hilariously known as the “hogline”). The footage looks like he’s booping the curling stone, and thus, boopgate took the internet by storm for about five minutes. (Good memes at the link.)

3. Sportswashing

By now you’ve likely read the news about Donald Trump congratulating the men’s Olympic hockey team for their gold medal win while making time to mock the women’s team, despite their similar but more notable victory. The men’s team went to the White House for the State of the Union address, where they were trotted out like they were in a dog show, a move journalist Frankie de la Cretaz calls sportswashing, a “well-known tactic of authoritarian regimes:”

[Trump] is following in the footsteps of Russia (the 2014 Sochi Winter Olympics), China (the 2008 Beijing Summer Olympics), and Nazi Germany (the 1936 Berlin Summer Olympics), in using the “soft power” of hosting cultural events on an international stage to whitewash the government’s misdeeds.

Meanwhile, the women’s team will be celebrated in a Las Vegas event this summer hosted by ::checks notes:: Flavor Flav, with Sheila E. performing for free to support women in sports. (h/t to Lyz Lenz at Men Yell at Me for this phrase.)

4. Nazgul

It had to happen sometime; the Lord of the Rings fandom is gonna come for me because I didn’t know this reference. During an Olympic skiing event, a wolfdog named Nazgul decided to leave home and compete in the games and even crossing the finish line. Nazgul was returned to his humans, declared a Very Good Boy, and awarded an honorary gold medal for his efforts.

5. Pointy Duck

This one is pretty self-explanatory. I love phrases that find a funny new way of describing something ordinary, and this one, uh, fits the bill1:

6. Kiwi Herman

More on the good news front: We adopted a budgie! A friend heard that someone needed to surrender their pet bird and asked if we were interested. At first, my kids were hesitant to adopt an older bird who might not live that long, but when I asked if they would feel differently knowing our family would give them the best possible life, they caved. It didn’t take much, honestly.

Kiwi is a green and yellow fellow we estimate to be about eight years old; budgies tend to live around 10 years but can make it to 15. He’s very sweet, with a melodic song like running water. I immediately nicknamed him The Keister and one of my kids (who does not read this newsletter) countered with . . . Kiwi Herman. Proud parenting moment right there. Here’s a photo courtesy of my son’s boyfriend - budgies are notoriously hard to photograph because they’re constantly moving:

Fun fact: We know Kiwi is a boy because his cere (nose) is bright blue. Females tend to have a beige, peach, or even lilac cere.

7. Goobis

One of our fish died recently; RIP Homer, you made it like three years, which is no small feat for a guy of your tiny size. Pop Tart needed a new roomie, so off we went to the local pet store to adopt Kermit. We also got to meet Goobis (!!!!!):

I don’t know what Goobis is, but I do know that I love them.

Bonus Nuggets

1. Calling all Trekkies

This incredible riff on ST:TNG is for you:

2. Ugh.

Not this shit again.

3. If the fart fits . . .

Via Holly at :

ChatGPT, when said with a French accent, sounds exactly like “Chat, j’ai peté” which is french for “Cat, I farted.”

This one feels appropriate because I know cats who can fart better content than ChatGPT. Speaking of cat farts, my very first job was as a data entry clerk in an office with a cat who hung out near our computer terminals cranking out farts that made a whistling sound. America does indeed have talent!

That’s it for this week. Remember to keep making it weird and stay furiously curious!

This week in phraseology

A slightly shorter list this week, but it’s pithy, with a lot of girth.

This week, we have place names that must be fake, a playful, showy birb, and some wang stuff. And memes, always memes. Because I love you.

Let’s get to it!

1. Tooting Commons

A British friend was talking about the sun FINALLY emerging from the gloom for a few minutes, and another Brit chimed in to ask where they lived. A wild exchange of (supposed) place names ensued: York Knavesmire, Ducking Row, Peckham Rye Park, Putney Heath, and Flopintottin Camhide. (I only made up some of them and I didn’t even use this English place name generator, though I should have.)

But one stood out from the rest: Tooting Commons. Which is an actual place!

From Wikipedia:

The name is of Anglo-Saxon origin but the meaning is disputed. It could mean the people of Tota, in which context Tota may have been a local Anglo-Saxon chieftain.^[3] Alternatively it could be derived from an old meaning of the verb to tout, to look out.

As in, “Look out, I’m gonna rip one.”

This launched us into a discussion of funny place names. My friend Mike shared Buttzville, NJ and one of the Brits dropped THIS into the chat:

Wikipedia to the rescue, again:

“The name is jokingly defined in The Meaning of Liff by Douglas Adams as meaning ‘a moist penis’.”

This conversation reminded me of a meme a friend has sent me more than once (I truly have the best pals), that I thought was fake but is not (!!!!):

I would 100% take this road trip. Who’s with me?

2. Capercaillie

Did you know that Europe has its own version of a turkey? And here I thought America was exceptional (sarcasm, derogatory). I’m confident our turkeys are bigger assholes.

Sadly, the “charismatic grouse1” capercaillie (capper-kaylee) is endangered, but conservationists in the Scottish Highlands forests are working on it. You can see a photo of these handsome birbs at that link and a video at this one, along with conservation updates. I love how unimpressed the hens seem by the male.

Capercaillie are called the “horse of the woods” because they like to horse around:

The males were counted at spring lekking sites – “lek” is Old Norse for play - when the showy black and red birds perform spectacular “flutter jumps” and make popping and clicking sounds to woo the smaller, camouflaged females.

The usual confluence of shitty things are endangering these birds — climate change, deforestation for cattle grazing, increased egg theft, human encroachment—and even social media attention.

Conservationists are addressing the issue on multiple fronts - they even designed a mower to encourage growth of a primary plant food source for the birds. I’m ever grateful for the tireless, methodical and badass work conservationists do.

3. Penisgate

A few people reached out to ask if I was aware of the Olympic controversy involving ski jumpers’ enhanced dicks and yes, yes I am.

A German newspaper first reported that Olympic ski jumpers may be injecting their penises with substances like paraffin or hyaluronic acid, presumably while “I Believe I Can Fly” plays in the background.

I guess this is a thing that might work? Scientific American wrote about the physics of ski jumping with an oversized hog.

4. Expired Dicks

Speaking of dicks, Wordpecker reader Kris sent this one - I was aware of the story but not the phrase.

Did we know that dildos have expiration dates? I did not. Is this a marketing move designed to get us to consume more dildos? Do we all need to clean out our dresser drawers? Do you know what this is doing to my Google search???

The phrase “expired dicks” comes from Chad Davis, a Minneapolis photographer who’s been documenting the federal government’s occupation of the city to terrorize, kidnap, and even murder its citizens. Davis created a great page on his website that documents the so-called “Operation Metro Surge,” vital journalism to bear witness to these horrors.

Here’s a Bluesky post from Davis showing people throwing dildos at ICE agents’ vehicles:

We love to see it!

::types do dildos expire -ai2::

::why do silicone dildos have expiration dates -ai::

Glamour magazine to the rescue! (tl;dr - common sense, look for wear and tear, etc.) I guess silicone dildos come with expiration dates but see my note above - I suspect it’s a marketing ploy designed to make us buy more stuff, but I could be wrong.

Women’s Health seems to concur, and includes a helpful section titled How To Get Rid of Sex Toys - the correct answer is to throw them at ICE, duh.

Yesterday my brother, who has Down Syndrome, called to give me the scoop on decluttering his closet. “It’s called spring cleaning,” he said, with the gravitas people use when imparting great wisdom to someone younger or less worldly. I’m surprised he didn’t add “Look it up.”

Anyway, bottom line (heh): As spring approaches, you know what task to add to your seasonal cleaning checklist. 🍆🧊

Bonus Nuggets

Not phrases, but still fun.

1. Help crush book censorship and protect the freedom to read

Learn about freedom to read laws and get some simple action steps from my brilliant pal Kelly Jensen at Book Riot.

2. JD Vance booed at the Olympics opening ceremonies

🗣️ Let’s keep making this a thing. 📢

3. New reply just dropped

The tl;dr3 for the current moment (and, sadly, the foreseeable future):

4. Fax Your DNA to YouTube

That’s it for this week! Remember to keep making it weird, and stay furiously curious!

This week in phraseology

Last week, it made it above zero degrees where I live a couple of times. I went for a walk in the sunshine without a coat because it felt balmy and it was . . . twenty five degrees outside. The days are getting longer, the sun is setting later, and I can just feel around the edges of spring. I will take these tiny bits of joy wherever I can get them, and I hope you are, too.

In this edition, we have unkempt men, shapely dates, moody dumplings, and more.

Let’s get to it!

1. Square February

We’re starting with a fun one! People in certain corners of the internet are gaga over the fact that in 2026, the month of February perfectly fills all four rows of a Gregorian calendar. Typically called Perfect February, I thought Square February was pretty funny, even though (“actually” guy voice) on most calendars, it’s a rectangle.

Is this the nerdiest thing I’ve ever written about? Possibly! Also the one good thing from the Midwest’s most miserable month.

2. Kleptoparasitism

It’s bald eagle breeding season, and that means it’s time to obsessively check the Friends of Big Bear Valley YouTube livestream to see what resident eagles Jackie and Shadow are up to.1 In a recent social post, the FOBBV team wrote about juvenile bald eagles showing up to steal food from older eagles’ nests like college kids raiding the fridge on winter break—a behavior known as kleptoparasitism.

If you’ve heard of kleptomania—the compulsive theft of random items—that prefix will look familiar. It’s from the Greek klepto, “to steal.” Parasite’s etymology is kind of interesting; the word was first used in 16th century France, built from older words, according to the Online Etymology Dictionary - the greek para (beside) and sitos (grain, bread, food), a word of unknown origin.

According to Cornell Labs, Benjamin Franklin argued that eagle piracy was sufficient reason to cancel them as a national symbol of the U.S. Franklin argued for the wild turkey, but they do have a bit of a visual branding problem in that they look like they’re still evolving.

Kleptoparasitism isn’t exclusive to eagles, or even birds. Birds raid other nests all the time because they’re dicks it’s hard out there for wildlife.

3. Switching costs

I’m about 3/4 of the way through Cory Doctorow’s book Enshittification, a term he coined that I wrote about three years ago. Doctorow is an engaging and skilled nonfiction writer and this book is so good I want to buy a copy for everyone I know.

As he writes more than once in the book, enshittification happens when companies move value away from customers and give it to shareholders. Companies easily do this nowadays due to a lack of antitrust enforcement (breaking up monopolies), lawmakers’ lack of tech savvy, and the slower pace of regulation compared to innovation. So, it’s not our imagination: everything sucks now. Digital price tags allowing retailers to jack up the price of umbrellas when it rains? Legal. Meta and Google earning billions (not a typo) from their collusion on digital ad sales? A-okay so far! Amazon having a choke-hold monopoly on ebook sales? Nooo problem!

As for switching costs, it’s something I think we’ve all experienced: Everything you have to give up when switching from one platform to another, from convenience to actual digital products like ebooks, games, or music. For example, I’ve wanted to leave Spotify for a while; they pay their artists next to nothing, their CEO is funding an AI-driven war drone startup, etc., but I’m staying for now because switching is a pain in the ass and I don’t currently have bandwidth for it. I will likely leave Substack for Ghost this year, but it will take quite a bit of work and expense to do so.

It’s not always easy to leave a platform or service. It takes time, and effort, and expense, and clarity about what you’re giving up vs. what you’re gaining. There are times when paying switching costs is worth it; I don’t ever regret leaving Twitter, for example. Another problem inherent in this cost-switching calculus is that all of these large companies that have eaten up or crowded out smaller firms are run by amoral selfish pricks (see: the Epstein files and your grocery bill, for starters). If I leave every place engaged in bad practices, the number of options left to work or exist would be minimal. Nothing is simple when everything is enshittified.

4. Nudifier

Here’s a word I really, really wish I didn’t know. But it’s in the lexicon now, so we’re gonna cover it, in the hopes that some mothereffers get a consequence for it.

I recently discovered the Indicator newsletter, an indie news outlet covering the “digital deception” beat—a much-needed resource in the AI age. They wrote about how Meta is allowing ads for “AI nudifiers,” or apps that create images of people—usually women and (barf) children—undressed. In 2025, Meta ran over 25K of these ads. One tiny upside is that a good portion of these ads are scams, so pervs get nothing for their money (ha ha).

In Consequences Corner, Paris prosecutors raided the offices of X (formerly Twitter) because Elon Musk’s Grok AI allows users to create deepfake adult and child pornography images on the app, and X leadership are doing nothing to stop it.

What libertarian “free speech absolutists” like Musk and the men who run Substack don’t seem to understand is that free speech doesn’t function optimally without guardrails, because harmful, abusive speech ends up suppressing marginalized voices or doing heinous, inexcusable shit like this. Absolute free speech is just “free speech for the privileged,” which is all they probably care about anyway.

My hope is that as we elect younger progressives who understand tech, we can see similar criminal legal enforcement in the U.S., because companies and their leaders need to start seeing consequences.

5. Filthy Kevin

Palate cleanser time! This phrase comes from an ancient (2017) Tumblr post and its reblog response, via my oldest kid. Props to Dirty Andy as a solid runner-up. I wonder where this quiz came from—is it an old Buzzfeed regional foods thing? Google image search didn’t find anything.

Apparently this one resonated: check out the stats:

And yet, no rebranding campaign for the sloppy Joe has happened yet. When will the Democrats in Congress act?!?!?

6. Puffin counter

Let’s end on a delightful note. Longtime reader and superfan Deborah sent this as an addition to the Cool Jobs category. Would you like to live for free on a remote island off the coast of Wales? You can, if you’re willing to count endangered puffins as a volunteer for the Wildlife Trust of South and West Wales (WTSWW). If you’re in the UK, they’ll also pay your travel expenses to Skomer Island, a national nature preserve. There are no shops or permanent residents there, but there is a hostel run by the Wildlife Trust. Here are some great images captured on the island last year.

Would you volunteer for this gig?

Leave a comment

Bonus Nugget

Not phrases, but still fun.

1. I need an angry pierogi plush. NEED!!!

Saw this post on Bluesky:

And someone posted a link to the shop in the replies and maybe it’s because I’m both Polish and Ukrainian, but I’ve never wanted anything more than this grumpy little guy:

At first I thought this one was a stoner pierogi but I think it’s an alien. Why not both?

2. One of my favorite memes from recent months

That’s it for this edition! Remember to keep making it weird and stay furiously curious!

This week in phraseology

Well, we made it through January. Somehow. I hesitate to call an entire year good or bad but I will say that so far, 2026 has been a chaotic, messy b and I hope that trend does not continue. There is hope: the sun is setting after 5 here and the temps should climb above freezing after a week of subzero penance. My oldest kid and his partner bought a house and moved out, and while I miss them, I am also no longer writing from concentration corner, having expanded onto a three-season (heated) porch with views of (increasingly horny) wild turkeys leaping onto our roof from the backyard.

Also, I brought you some fresh phrases! This week, we have frozen breakfasts, revenge of the band nerds, cue ball in the front/party in the back, and more.

Let’s get to it!

1. Ice pancakes

Being a Midwesterner, “pancake ice” feels like something I should know, but I like ice pancakes more. Ice pancakes are slushy discs that form in larger bodies of water, where the motion of the water causes slush forming near the surface to break apart and get knocked around into, well, ice pancakes.

Meteorology nerd alert 🤓 — Wikipedia offered up a bounty of types of ice that I had never heard of:

• Shuga - Slush, but chonkier

• Frazil - Also slushy but somehow different from shuga??? I think people who stare out the window at frozen water start losing their minds a little bit

• Grease ice - Ice that looks like an oil slick, not that D student bully from high school who took a signing bonus to terrorize his neighbors in soldier cosplay

• Ice rind - Shiny ice crust!

• Nilas - Do you enjoy visiting museums but get fatigued from taking in so much information? This is how I’m feeling about ice right now. Anyway, nilas is thicc. Nilas needs better branding. Get Cantore on the phone—I can help.

Check out this footage of kayakers navigating around giant frozen flapjacks on Lake Michigan in Chicago. This phrase was shared via my husband — thanks, honey! P.S. Can you clean out the garage fridge because a can of Coke exploded in there and I’m busy writing? Thanks!

2. Slidey guy

Do you know the feeling when you come across a social media account run by someone who knows how to do it well? That’s the rush I got when I found this post from a couple of band directors at hinghambandtok.

Captioned “that one kid in band class,” they start off with one person saying, “Actually, it’s flautist” while holding a flute. Then they launch into some really good jokes, including:

• Actually, it’s trumpediatrician (trumpet)

• Actually it’s hornithologist (French horn)

• Actually it’s saxolotl (saxophone)

The “slidey guy” (trombone) line really hits and I love it so much. There are more good ones, so go watch the whole thing!

3. Great Farts of Literature

Have you ever bought a book on impulse? (Me: “Only every week!”) Someone I know mentioned that their friend has a book coming out soon. The author, Elizabeth Zaleski, has a memoir coming out in February called The Trouble With Loving Poets and Other Essays on Failure (you can order from that link).

But tucked away on Zaleski’s website is a heading called Other Projects, where I found greatfartsofliterature.com: Great Farts of Literature—Ranked.

Here’s the about section:

It was only after I'd already read the majority of the Western canon that I started paying attention to the really important stuff, namely passages about flatulence.

As an English lit major and lifelong fart appreciator, this is entirely my jam. I immediately went looking for Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales and there he was. They even use the 💨 emoji to rate the passages. My life is now complete.

As a Louise Erdrich stan1, I have to share this from one of the rankings:

In addition to being, generally speaking, one of the greatest novelists of our time, Louise Erdrich is, more specifically, the reigning queen of the literary fart. In this exquisitely rendered and uproarious scene, Nanapush farts himself to death. But wait, there's more.

I immediately pre-ordered Zaleski’s book, which features an essay about a guy with a giant wang, and I think you should, too because presales really help authors make a living.

4. Piss missile

Enough about farts; let’s move on to piss. Not really; this is actually about paper airplanes, via my pal Charlie, who designed Wordpecker’s snappy new brand.

I couldn’t find this account anywhere but Instagram - Chicago_Paper_Airplane is run by a guy who wears a neon green balaclava as he tosses paper airplanes out of Chicago buildings while classic rock plays. It’s fun! And mesmerizing! There’s some serious aeronautical wonder happening there.

Here are some recent post captions:

• Make a piss missile with me

• Watch me rip this air biscuit

• Watch this shit whistle go over the highway

You get the idea. It’s very testosterone-fueled, harmless fun, if you’re into that sort of thing, which apparently I am.

5. Skullet

Speaking of testosterone, this portmanteau of “skull” and “mullet” comes from my friend and Wordpecker reader Kris, who texted “a mullet but bald on top” with a picture of Riff Raff, the butler from Rocky Horror Picture Show, lol. A quick Google search for “famous skullets” turned up Kelsey Grammer as Frasier and Benjamin Franklin, LOLLLL.

Share your favorite skullets in the comments!

Leave a comment

6. Frictionmaxxing

Are we nearing the end of calling everything we do “maxxing” yet? I sort of hope so, and yet I do enjoy collecting maxxing varietals, like fibermaxxing (🚽), looksmaxxing, and now frictionmaxxing2.

In her Brooding column for The Cut, Kathryn Jezer-Morton writes, “In 2026, We Are Friction-Maxxing.” It’s a reference to the tension between tech broligarchs promising that their seemingly benign apps will remove the “friction” (e.g., effort, discomfort) from our lives and how that effort actually benefits us as humans.

Friction-maxxing is not simply a matter of reducing your screen time, or whatever. It’s the process of building up tolerance for “inconvenience” (which is usually not inconvenience at all but just the vagaries of being a person living with other people in spaces that are impossible to completely control) — and then reaching even toward enjoyment. And then, it’s modeling this tolerance, followed by enjoyment and humor, for our kids.

Jezer-Morton makes some good observations about how technology is removing the friction of deep thought and social interaction, and ponders what this means for parents and their children. Some suggestions she offers to bring friction back into our lives include: Stop sharing your location, quit using ChatGPT, and invite people over even when your house isn’t clean. More examples: a friend of mine started buying CDs again, and I’m considering both buying vinyl records again and breaking out my 40-year-old Minolta XG-1 film camera.

Share some ways you’re frictionmaxxing (or frictionminning, for that matter):

Leave a comment

Bonus Nuggets

1. Asshole Bird of the Month: January 2026

ABOTM is an affectionate name for stories of birds behaving like the unrepentant tiny dinosaurs that they are. This month’s award goes to this limber screech owl, who somehow got inside a locked car and made themselves at home on a headrest. It’s really worth clicking through to the article to see how tiny this owl is in someone’s hand.

If this happened to me you would never, ever hear the end of it. 🦉 I would make a screechie choosing my vehicle my entire personality.

2. Catherine O’Hara: NOOOOOO! 💔

I was gutted by the news of Catherine O’Hara’s death last week at 71. As a tiny kid in the ‘70s I used to stay up late to watch her on SCTV with John Candy, Eugene Levy, Rick Moranis, Andrea Martin, and Dave Thomas. She always knew how to take comedy one step further and still land it. Check out the gorgeous portrait the NYT used for her obituary. I’m gonna be sad about this loss for a long time.

3. The 2026 Chicago snowplow naming contest 🚫🧊

Via the excellent Block Club Chicago (emphasis mine):

Among over 13,300 submissions to Chicagoshovels.org, “Abolish ICE” made up over 9,200 — or about 70 percent — of the entries, according to a list of submissions obtained through a public records request. The name also got an early nod of approval from Mayor Brandon Johnson last month.

4. Relatedly: We said what we said.

That’s it for this week! Remember to keep making it weird and stay furiously curious.

Hello there!

If you’re feeling disoriented and wondering where your latest edition of New-To-Me Phrases went, it’s still here, but with a fresh new look:

How we got here

I’ve never really loved the name New-To-Me Phrases, but struggled to come up with anything better (cobbler’s kids, yada yada). When I started working on a book proposal based on this project, I decided to finally set my mind to rebranding, batting around ideas with some writer and marketing pals. One day, during a back-and-forth texting session with my brilliant, multi-talented friend Tonya, she sent Wordpecker and the brainstorming screeched to a halt as we pondered it.

It rang like a bell through my bones, and it made me laugh. We had a name!

Next, I hired my friend Charlie Trotter to help me with visual branding. The little guy above is based on the red-bellied woodpecker and I LOVE HIM. Charlie is mad talented—a fine artist, Squarespace designer, graphic designer, and I think he’s also some kind of super-spy who will spill state secrets if you feed him chicken pot pie.

And here we are. You’ll still get a batch of fresh phrases every Sunday (we are going back to weekly, baby!) from yours truly. I’m also working on some fun new perks for paid subscribers, so stay tuned!

Where to find Wordpecker:

• New URL: heywordpecker.com

• Instagram: @heywordpecker

• Threads: @heywordpecker

• Bluesky: @wordpecker

This week’s phrases

This week, we have more than one political phrase, because (repeat after me) making fun of the horrors is how we cope with the horrors. It also makes insecure dictator wannabe types big mad, which delights me personally, and maybe you, too. We also have arboreal pyrotechnics!

Let’s get to it!

1. Minnesota NoICE

I came up with this phrase the other day as a play on Minnesota nice, thinking it would make a great protest sign or t-shirt. Turns out I’m not the only one:

• There’s a community directory going by this name - love seeing neighbors helping neighbors

• Local artist Ricardo Levins Morales is selling Minnesota NoICE buttons

• Boop the Void (what a great brand!) is selling these cute stickers, with all profits donated to the Immigrant Law Center of Minnesota and Minnesota Immigrant Rights Action Committee

Awesome side note: America’s government teacher Sharon McMahon has also raised over $150,000 for the Immigrant Law Center of Minnesota by selling merch based on a comment from a hater who called her an “unhinged Minnesota lunatic.” I got myself a hat that reads: RADICALIZED BY BASIC HUMAN DECENCY. Get yours here - she also made unhinged lunatic merch for every state, lol.

I am seeing influencers become increasingly sick and tired of haters clogging up their DMs, sending insults, threats, and violent AI images featuring their likenesses, and they are starting to fight back by outing and shaming these keypad cowards. We love to see it!

2. Fled Cruz

My friend Mike from Austin, Texas shared this one when news broke that Ted Cruz was, once again, leaving his state before a major storm was due. If you’re not aware, Cruz was dragged on social in 2021 for vacationing in Cancun while his constituents suffered through hurricane Beryl.

Another Texas friend posted this on Instagram, lol:

People are also having fun with Cruz cruising on Reddit:

• “If Ted flees, it’s about to freeze.”

• “If Ted Cruz sees his shadow on a Delta flight you're in for 2 days of sleet.”

• “Ted Cruz should be added to to list of weather predicting rodents.”

3. Bovino Bitch Fund

If you don’t know who fun-size Nazi cosplayer Greg Bovino is, congratulations. The man Lyz Lenz called Great Value General Sherman is the current head of US border patrol. Bovino was most recently in the news spreading a false narrative about the January 24th murder of VA nurse Alex Pretti by ICE agents, which was captured on video from multiple angles and appears to have gone down in a far different way than Pocket Himmler would have us believe.

Look, I know this news is really heavy and spinning a lot of people I know into despair. There’s no void big enough to scream into.

But consider this: As of this writing, Marisa Kabas at The Handbasket has raised $18.5K for the Immigrant Law Center of Minnesota and the Minnesota Immigrant Rights Action Committee (MIRAC) for calling Greg Bovino a bitch:

After months of watching this pathetic man tour around the country like a war tourist, I had enough. So I posted on Bluesky, “I’ve seen enough: Greg Bovino is a bitch.” I quickly received a Venmo for it, as has become tradition when I lob the b-word at a Trump lackey, but then it occurred to me this could be a great vehicle for fundraising to help the people hurt most by Bovino and his soldiers. A few minutes later I got another Venmo with the note “Bitch Bovino fund.” And thus the Greg Bovino Bitch Fund Benefiting Immigrant Rights in Minnesota was born.

4. Exploding trees

I had to cover this one given the frigid, snowy, icy weather much of the country is experiencing. Last week, I saw this post making the rounds - nice to see someone with a sense of humor at the helm of Kwik Trip’s socials:

Except for a three-year stint in Colorado, I’ve spent my entire life in the Midwest and have never heard of trees exploding due to extreme cold. Turns out “exploding” is a bit of an exaggeration: in below-zero temperatures, tree bark can crack open or limbs can snap off. Now that I’ve heard of. In fact, on a recent hike with a friend, we saw a pine tree that broke off mid-trunk and landed in some brush nearby:

While an “exploding” tree can make a loud sound—“like a gunshot,” according to Virginia Tech professor and tree physiology specialist1 John Seiler)—it’s not an explosion in the way we think of them in the movies. Though really, at this point, trees deciding to blow up rather than remain in this timeline wouldn’t surprise me.

Bonus Nugget

1. Sentient beef!

Scientists discovered a cow in Austria that uses a tool to scratch her back. Her name is Veronika, if you must know. This is a big deal in terms of how we view bovine intelligence, reports 404 Media:

Tool use is a sign of advanced cognition that has been observed in many animals, including primates, orcas, and birds. But cows, with their vacant expressions and docile nature, have been overlooked as likely tool users, except as a joke in Gary Larson’s Far Side cartoons.

Here’s a link to the full study, with video of Ms. Veronika making distinct choices to use either end of a broom to scratch different body parts. I LOVE HER.

That’s it for this week! Remember to keep making it weird and stay furiously curious!

Call your senators and reps every. single. day. Even the ones who won’t listen; they still take the temperature of what matters to constituents, and the more scared they are about that, the better.

Organized gangs of wine moms | A LaCroix of a thought | A big blubbering piss baby | Raccoon biologist | Belt of Venus

The Phrases, With Context

This is the last edition of NTMP before I make some exciting changes. Here’s a little teaser to look forward to:

In a word: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

I can’t wait to show you more!

But first! It’s time for the annual NTMP reader poll!

I started this project on Substack on January 30, 2022. That means we’re coming up on the fourth anniversary of phrase-gathering. Whether you’re new here or have been along for this ride the entire time, I appreciate you being here.

As I’ve shared in previous editions, I’m writing a book proposal based on New-To-Me Phrases, and I could use your help. I’ve created a reader poll because knowing what readers like you enjoy informs what I offer here. The poll should take less than 10 minutes to complete:

I'm in! Take me to the poll.

I also brought you some phrases.

This week, we have three phrases about fluids (eww!), a cool job, and skyline fashion.

Let’s get to it!

1. Organized gangs of wine moms

In the wake of Rebecca Good’s murder by the federal government earlier this month, a Fox News anchor used this phrase to characterize Minnesota protesters. Personally, I prefer ChiAntifa, which I found via Lyz Lenz of Men Yell at Me.

Here’s an excerpt from a recent newsletter segment, the must-read Dingus of the Week. It explains why instead of mocking moms, ICE and the politicians who enable them should be scared of us:

Listen, moms are tired. We had the whole pandemic. We deal with school shootings; we organized during the George Floyd protests. Now there are multiple intersecting economic crises; you are taking away our health care; you’re attacking our trans homies — and you want to roll into the Twin Cities and kidnap our neighbors? We didn’t have a fuck left to give anyway, and if we did, it wouldn’t go to you.

2. A LaCroix of a thought

This one comes via one of my kids. A coworker was struggling to conjure a word for something and said they were having “a LaCroix of a thought.”

Accurate and a burn on LaCroix1? Perfection.

3. A big blubbering piss baby

I’ve long believed that New York Times opinion columnist Jamelle Bouie is one of the finest writers of our era. His sharp political insights are a grounding force during this time of great turmoil.

I also enjoy the dissonance between the gravitas of Bouie’s writing and the delight he shows when when insulting members of the Trump administration. He does it often enough that I almost want to start compiling them.

If you need a mood lifter, watch Bouie call White House Deputy Chief of Staff Stephen Miller a “big blubbering piss baby,” as a little treat. It happens at around 2:15:

4. Raccoon biologist

Raise your hand if you knew raccoon biologists existed. I did not! When a study last year claimed that raccoons are becoming more domesticated, raccoon biologist Lochlan O’Neil posted a video debunking it.

According to her website, O’Neil is currently researching the critically endangered pygmy raccoon in Cozumel, Mexico. I would love to learn more about what that involves, and I’m filing this one under “cool jobs.”f

5. Belt of Venus

I found this phrase via Bill Davison’s . Belt of Venus occurs before sunrise or after sunset, when a pinkish glow appears above the horizon. Also known as antitwilight, it’s created by the reflection of sunlight in the atmosphere. Here’s a good explainer from BBC Sky at Night. The name has nothing to do with the planet Venus, but rather the snazzy belt the Roman goddess and her Greek counterpart Aphrodite are known for.

Bonus Bits: Ways to support people in Minneapolis

2026 has been one hell of a year so far. I know many of us are reeling from the news (understatement) and want to find ways to help. Here are a few suggestions:

1. Writers understand the power and beauty of words, and Garrett Bucks of is no exception. He created a beautiful way to send messages of support to protesters in Minnesota. Send yours here and see examples here.

2. Joyce Uptown Food Shelf gets food to people who are afraid to go out amid theh government terror campaign in Minneapolis.

3. Stand With Minnesota is a mutual aid group defending communities against ICE.

4. I know we’ve been hearing this over and over and it feels like nothing changes, but call your senators and reps to tell them that you don’t want ICE shooting women in the face, tear gassing family minivans, dragging disabled people out of their cars, detaining US citizens, and otherwise terrorizing neighborhoods. It may not result in any action but our reps need to know how their constituents feel, and hearing from enough people can and should make them nervous. They all want to be reelected, after all. As I keep saying, “It may not be much, but it’s not nothing.”

That’s it for this week! The next time you see NTMP in your inbox or around the internets, things will look and feel different, in completely awesome ways. Stay tuned!

The Phrases, With Context

If you’re a new subscriber, welcome! If you’ve been around a while, hi again. It’s me! I’m back! I appreciate your support for however long you’ve joined me on this weird and random ride through the strange beauty of language.

But first: A 2025 year in review

I won’t belabor recapping the year, because I don’t want to add to the onslaught of what calls the “benevolent plague of listmaking.”

But I thought it would be fun to grab a couple of stats from the year:

• 22 posts

• 140 phrases

• We started 2025 with Bum Farto, which remains one of my all-time favorite entries.

• And we’re ending with with Roland the Farter. I would much rather remember this year for farts than for the attempted dismantling of American democracy.

As for 2026, I’m planning on shopping a book proposal about this project and will have some new fun stuff for you in January! If you know anyone who’d like this newsletter, please share it with them.

OK, it’s time for phrases. This week, we have fatty feasts, surprise hyphenates, what would make a very weird Patreon account in any era, and more.

Let’s get to it!

1. Pop-Tart machine

Not only is this phrase a great replacement for “toaster,” it’s an excuse for me to link to the annual Hater’s Guide to the Williams-Sonoma Catalog from Drew Magary at Defector. If Pop-Tarts sold a toaster called a Pop-Tart Machine it would sell like . . . Pop-Tarts.

I almost went with Rowenta’s powerful steamers as the phrase from this year’s Hater’s Guide, but you’ll have to read the whole thing for that context. The guide is especially on point in this era of the broligarch.

Side note: 2025 is the year I learned that Pop-Tarts is a hyphenated phrase. There’s a little dot after Pop in the brand name that represents the hyphen. 🤯 Also, did you know they make a flavor based on the coconut caramel Girl Scout cookie?

2. Stucky fic

I’m gonna open this by saying: I have neither read nor watched the wildly popular gay hockey romance Heated Rivalry yet. I’ll get around to it, but I’m the opposite of an early adopter.

Adam Bumas recently wrote something at Garbage Day that caught my eye:

Yes, Heated Rivalry Did Start As A Stucky Fic.

And that’s how I learned that the series is likely based on slash fic about Marvel characters Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes (aka Stucky). In case you don’t know, slash fic is fan fiction pairing two characters of the same gender. Classics include Kirk and Spock from Star Trek and Harry and Ron from Harry Potter.

Side note - If you’d enjoy an insightful analysis of our current hellscape, I highly rec the title segment from this Garbage Day post, Here are 12 photographs of eggs . . . you can bet on.

3. Butter Lady

Earlier this month I devoured a three-book fantasy series based on pre-tsarist Russian folklore by Kathleen Arden that begins with The Bear and the Nightingale.

According to Arden, Maslenitsa (Butter Lady) started as an Eastern Slavic pagan festival that marked the end of winter. Maslo is Russian for butter or oil, and “itsa” is a feminine diminutive rather like -ita in Spanish. Maslenitsa was folded into the Orthodox church as a feast before Lent comparable to Carnival in the west. People baked round cakes symbolizing the sun using the last of the butter before a period of fasting. Today, Russian pancakes (blini) are central to the festival, but my people, the Ukrainians, make pierogi. Sign me up!

4. Neologist

Imagine my excitement upon encountering this word.

From Merriam-Webster’s definition of neology:

The use of a new word or expression or of an established word in a new or different sense : the use of new expressions that are not sanctioned by conventional standard usage : the introduction of such expressions into a language

BRB adding neologist to my LinkedIn profile.

5. Donut Window

I didn’t know I needed a donut window in my life until I saw one. I’ll even allow for the inferior spelling of doughnut here. You can find this magical portal to fried dough at a local orchard that hosts our farmers market during the winter. It’s in an outbuilding stocked with landfill core Americana that was made in China - a vibe that is very much of this era, where we keep trying to approximate a quality vibe from the past but find it’s cheaper to just outsource it.

I regret not getting a photo of the actual window, only the sign. Or the incredible fresh doughnut I procured from said donut window. Who’s approximating quality now? Anyway, here’s an ugly sign that captures the essence of the (Credit Card Only) experience:

At least the donut was really good.

6. Fishtown Fish Facts

I love random street art so much. This one has to be told in screenshots because the posters themselves are so good.

Sarah McAnulty, Ph.D. recently posted this on Bluesky:

And someone replied by sharing another poster:

If you think I’m not making something like this for my town but about birds, well, you don’t know me at all.

7. Roland the Farter

And here we arrive at the final phrase of 2025. Spotted via my favorite curator at Depths of Wikipedia. Live events are happening again in 2026 and one will be in Chicago this February (!!!!). Raise your hand if you want to go with me!

According to Ye Olde Wikipedia, Roland was a flautist who lived in England during the 12th century. (We can assume that “the Farter” was not his surname.) King Henry II gave Roland an estate and land for performing “a jump, a whistle, and a fart” for the king’s court each Christmas. While commonplace on their own, the these three acts were performed simultaneously by Roland each year. I wonder what his pregame was like. Stretching, breath work, and muesli?

It’s giving David Letterman’s Stupid Human Tricks, but for the 12th century.

Bonus Bit

Hot Takes on Pantone’s Color of the Year:

You may have read that Pantone chose “cloud dancer,” aka “white” as the 2026 color of the year. A little on the nose with all the white supremacy going around, but don’t worry, the internet has responded:

That’s it for this edition! Remember to keep making it weird and stay furiously curious, and I’ll see you next year.

Landfill core * Extremely donked up * God’s combo * Plowdy Duty * The Grink * Jennifer Coolfridge

The Phrases, With Context

It’s -2 degrees Fahrenheit in the Chicago area, with a “feels like” of -18. Just a big, fat “eff you” from winter over here. At least the sun is shining?

This week, we have future trash, a celebrity fridge, extreme commitment to a bit, and more.

But first, help spread the word about NTMP!

If you enjoy this project, I’d appreciate it if you’d consider sharing it with your networks. This is a quick and easy way to help me grow so I can convince an agent to convince a publisher to create an NTMP book.

Here are some easy ways to share with friends, and strangers, and mortal enemies:

1. Forward an email edition to someone (or a few someones!) you think would appreciate NTMP and encourage them to subscribe. Here’s a blurb you can use when sharing: “I really love this newsletter about fascinating and funny phrases seasoned with salty commentary and I thought you’d enjoy it, too.”

2. Share a post about NTMP on your socials with a link to this page. See blurb above.

3. Got a nerd in your life who loves random knowledge and is also hard to buy for? Give the gift of a paid subscription to NTMP to support indie creative work!

4. If you write on Substack, consider recommending NTMP. Go to: Settings | Recommendations and add this newsletter.

We live in an era where tech oligarchs and CEO dullards think they can replace art and artists with AI slop. Where thinking, reading, and human connection are being downgraded and dismissed as nonessential to their fantasy of a frictionless existence. When you support an independent project like NTMP, you’re saying a big no thanks to all that, and you’re helping an actual human writer keep making original work. Thanks for your support; I appreciate every effort to spread the word.

Enough with the promo — you came here for phrases and I’ve got some good ones for you. Let’s get to it!

1. Landfill core

This Reel on Insta really struck me, and it spawned a lot of thoughts, so strap in. It’s a video panning over the aisles at a Marshall’s labeled landfill core, but it could just as easily be a Kohl’s or a JC Penney or a Target or a Walmart. It’s captioned “Why do we keep making new garbage when there’s already so much garbage?” I noticed this proliferation of cheap, obligatory gifts a few years ago. The stuff you buy when you have a gift swap or a teacher gift (tip: they do not want this stuff!) or relatives or friends to whom you must pay fealty in the form of consumerism: “I got you these cheap gloves and/or slippers and/or this plastic gag gift made by someone in a sweat shop. Merry Christmas!” Whyyyyyyyy are we living like this? 😫

My parents were born in the U.S. in the 1930s and both were without means—my dad came from a tiny coal mining town in the house his carpenter dad built in rural Pennsylvania and my mom lived in a cold-water flat on Chicago’s North Side, where they had to boil water for baths. My dad used to tell me, with full Dickensian gravitas, that as a kid all he’d get for Christmas—if he was lucky—was a shirt and an orange. As a result, my dad wanted the tree to be packed with gifts for his own family. We struggled financially when I was young, but he’d run out to a discount store (real ones remember Venture and Zayre) and buy a bunch of stuff to wrap and put under the tree. He didn’t want his kids to wake up to a shirt and an orange. He also almost certainly had ADHD, which makes shopping a challenge in terms of impulse control.

All this to say: I’ve seen the ways we shop and the proliferation of cheap garbage dramatically change in my own lifetime. Recently at a Goodwill I noticed the flimsy, plasticene items on offer, as opposed to when I used to regularly thrift in the ‘90s and found quality goods made with intention and care. Another drop in the bucket of knowledge that the ways in which we are living are not sustainable. Old man yells at cloud, yada.

A few years ago, I decided to only buy holiday ornaments and decorations from artists, artisans, and crafters. Now that my kids are grown, my family has scaled back our gift-giving and my kids say they don’t want any more “stuff.” I am glad that they care the most about the traditions—putting up the tree with music playing, driving around to look at holiday lights, the cookies and meals and time together. If I had my way, we’d do a book exchange as an excuse to support my awesome local bookstore. But that’s a “me” Christmas and I want them to be thoughtful about their own traditions.

If you celebrate Christmas, have you created your own unique spin on the holidays? I’d love to hear about it.

Leave a comment

2. Extremely donked up

Speaking of buying from indie artists, I got this phrase from my friend Lee, a Montreal-based zine artist who runs Sheer Spite Press. I can’t even remember what Lee was referencing, but I spit coffee out of my nose when I read it and had to include it here. I LOVE a goofy replacement for a swear word! I need you to immediately start using “donked up” everywhere you go. Teach it to your kids! Make it go viral! Donked up is the new 6 7!

• If you’re in Canada, grab some zines and stickers from Sheer Spite Press.

• If you’re in the U.S., shop here (for tariff reasons).

3. God’s combo

Occasionally, I say something worthy of this newsletter, and this phrase is one of them. When I learned that my personal trainer also loves Taco Bell, I said, “Taco Bell and Mountain Dew: That’s God’s combo right there.”

Get yourself a trainer who eats food like a real person. Have you had the Taco Bell Baja Blast pie yet? I vote no on that one myself, but I love an adventurous eater like my pal .

4. Plowdy Duty

I would be remiss if I didn’t share a good snow plow nickname each season. This one is via my Hag friend Wendy, who lives in Michigan. I went to look up MDOT’s snow plow names and holy forking shirtballs, they have like 200 plows with nicknames!! And a map with a plow tracker layer!!! My brain cannot contain this much magnificence!!!! I’m not from Michigan so I couldn’t really identify any mitten-state-specific plow names beyond Yooper Scooper (LOL), but check them out and have fun with that massive list. I particularly liked Aaron Brr, Sir and Sleety Pie.

5. The Grink

Another holiday-themed phrase from an old tweet that still exists (rare) over on Elon’s white-supremacy machine:

If you know me at all, you know that I am 100% this friend. Recently, one of my friends made an autocorrect error for “fatty nuts” (the name of our shared Google doc—long story) that came out as “farty nits,” and I IMMEDIATELY made that our group chat name.

6. Jennifer Coolfridge

TWO nicknames for inanimate objects in one newsletter? These are exactly the kinds of subscriber perks you get for supporting NTMP.

Friend and longtime NTMP supporter Lindsay sent this one, via the Only in Boston (@onlyinbos) Instagram:

“This Thanksgiving, shoutout to Jennifer Coolfridge, Brookline’s community fridge offering free 24/7 access to nourishing food and serving as a crucial resource for families affected by the SNAP freeze.”

Bonus Bits

1. Looking for a way to do some good this holiday season?

Support Trans Santa! The best way to connect and find wishlists is via Instagram - here’s a bit about their mission:

@transanta is a mutual aid social media campaign that connects anonymous gift-givers with trans youth who are unhoused, in foster care, or otherwise without crucial support they need to thrive. @transanta exists to show trans youth that they are loved and supported, and that they have a family of people around the world who care for them, believe in them, and want them to succeed.

2. Remembering a real one

This fall, Chicago and the rest of the world lost a legend when artist, actor, and poet Tony Fitzpatrick died at age 66. Fitzpatrick’s art often featured birds and he was a no-nonsense, fierce advocate for habitat conservation. If you read any links I share in this edition, read this moving tribute and see some of Fitzpatrick’s incredible art, via The American Birding Association. Here’s another tribute from the excellent Block Club Chicago.

3. Pluribus reference: IYKYK

4. In re: Sandwich Guy’s recent acquittal

I wrote about that here, but I got you another gem:

That’s it for this edition! Look for one more to close out 2025 and then we’re on to a new year and new adventures in phrase-making. Remember to keep making it weird and stay furiously curious!

Comfort food chic * Floatato * Remnant prairie * Snifari * Humilitainment * Stroad * Felony footlong

The Phrases, With Context

This week, we have half-baked wearables, potatoes that can kill you (as a little treat), untouched death grasses, overdeveloped Frankenroads, and more. But first . . .

An NTMP announcement and a request for help

Some readers guessed it already, but let’s make it official: I am working on a book proposal for New-To-Me Phrases!

Here’s where you come in: Agents and publishers like to see a healthy subscriber count to show that people might actually be interested in reading your book.

To that end, I’d be really grateful if you’d spread the word about this project with your friends, family, enemies, and random strangers.

1. Here’s one easy way to share a link - hit that button:

Share New-To-Me Phrases

2. If you have a Substack newsletter and you’d be cool with recommending NTMP using that feature, I’d also really appreciate it.

Thank you! I have more fun stuff planned for the new year, including a new look and paid subscriber perks, so stay tuned!

In the meantime, you came here for phrases, and phrases you shall have. Let’s get to it!

1. Comfort food chic

For some reason, Aldi UK created a jacket that looks like a potato, complete with foil interior.

The press release, which calls the jacket comfort-food chic, artfully describes it as “this summer’s hottest drop which is guaranteed to keep you spud-tacularly snug as the air turns crisp.” ::Picard .GIF clap::

Imagine showing up to a bonfire in this. Would you wear it? I would, but I live in the Midwest and I doubt anyone would even notice.

Also, I know tortilla blankets exist, but what other foods need to become puffies? Roasted marshmallows? Pop-Tarts? Charcuterie boards?

Leave a comment

2. Floatato

I hope you’ll forgive me coming to the esteemed Fat Bear Week competition a few weeks late. If you’re unfamiliar, every year, bears in Alaska’s Katmai National Park work hard to bulk up for the winter. Part of their enlargement activities involve fishing for salmon in the Brooks River.

As the website notes, “Fat bears are successful bears.”

New to the competition this year, bear 602 (an ID number given by the National Park Service to track local bears) was nicknamed floatato due to his loungemaxxing tendencies:

He sometimes napped in the river rather than retreating to the seclusion of the forest. He also seemed to enjoy being surrounded by fish. On warm days, his resting phases were punctuated by lounging behaviors that inspired people to call him a “floatato,” and reminded others of Homer Simpson relaxing in a pool.

This is yet another copywriting gig I wish I had, although that last sentence reads to me like an AI summary. Anyway, respect for someone who hangs out where the snacks are without bothering to relocate to a couch or a table.

3. Remnant prairie

In case you were wondering how cool I am, a few weeks ago my husband and one of my kids and I went on a sunrise birdwatching hike across farm fields and prairies. Real “peak elder Illinoisan” shit. Pro tip: If you’re going to walk across uneven ground studded with shoe-piercing plants and postholes, maybe bring a headlamp.

Anyway, we survived, and we got to hear sandhill cranes waking up! As with our parrots at home, there was lots of manic chattering and hot goss about who was flying in for the morning.

This hike allowed us to explore an area that’s not open to the public. Our guide, who had attended a wedding the night before and somehow managed to be both upright and sentient, shared that we’d be hiking through a remnant prairie, meaning it had never been touched by agriculture. 🤓 🌾

Also, I’ve known my husband for almost 30 years and I had no idea that he was a good photographer:

4. Snifari

This phrase was coined by my friend and NTMP stan, Mel. Snifari describes dogs heading outdoors to sniff all of the things. A safari of sniffs! Extremely cute, just like her tiny dog, Miss Marple.

5. Humilitainment

Matt Bernstein’s podcast, A Bit Fruity, recently did an episode called Dr. Phil: From Nice Guy to Nazi with Aubrey Gordon from Maintenance Phase as co-host. Matt used humilitaniment to describe reality and daytime talk TV during the early aughts. I didn’t realize how exploitative and ethically sketchy The Dr. Phil Show was until I listened to this episode, which makes the argument that current friend-of-ICE Dr. Phil was really the same dude all along. Worth a listen!

6. Stroad

My friend Jessica is married to a city planner and therefore knows all sorts of cool weird shit about municipal design and such. She dropped the word stroad into a convo recently (as one does) and I had to look it up.

Stroad is a portmanteau for combining a street and a road, but not in a good way. Coined in 2013 by Strong Towns, a nonprofit org that seeks to reimagine suburban sprawl, they describe stroads as “dangerous, multi-laned thoroughfares you encounter in nearly every city, town, and suburb in America.”

You can see a great example of a stroad in this also-great post by , “Cars Have Fucked Up This Country Bad.” When I drove to the Memphis area a couple of years ago to move my mom into an end-of-life care home, we saw so many stroads in multiple towns along the way. It’s just such a soulless way to live, putting commerce before literally everything else: community—including indie small businesses—accessibility, aesthetics, walkability, ecology. We can and should do better than this.

7. Felony footlong

By now you’ve likely heard of American, uh, hero, Sean Dunn, aka Sandwich Guy, who threw a sub sandwich at a Border Patrol agent Gregory Lairmore in DC. During the trial (a great use of taxpayer funds!) it came out that Lairmore’s esteemed colleagues gifted him a patch that read felony footlong.

I insist you read this play-by-play Bluesky thread covering the trial from HuffPo labor reporter Dave Jamieson - here are some choice excerpts:

‘Now he’s struck me with the sandwich,’ Lairmore says.

“I could smell the onions and mustard.”

“Do you recognize that sandwich?” the attorney asks.

Dunn was acquitted, by the way. That’s the power of the sandwich.

No bonus bits this week; just my gratitude to you for reading. Remember to keep making it weird, and stay furiously curious!

McShiny * Lox-smith * Moneycrisp * Mr. Trash Wheel * BIG TURD * Hooters for butts * Give your money away, shorties

The Phrases, With Context

Did you have an awesome Halloween? I hope so. Our kids are grown, but one does cosplay for the holiday and we hang out by the fire table handing out candy to the littles, tweens, and teens. I got my husband to wear a T. Rex inflatable, which brought every toddler in the neighborhood and myself tremendous joy. One highlight was Buddy the Elf on rollerblades—you can cover a lot of candy-asking territory on wheels.

Even our resident two-year-old turkey tried to get in on the candy action:

This week, we have more New York references than I realized when I started writing this edition, nautical nicknames, some butt stuff, and more.

Let’s get to it!

1. McShiny

This one’s for you if you could stand a little joy. My friend Leah, who writes Meets Most, a thoughtful and sharp newsletter about tech, shared this on Instagram, and isn’t it delightful?

These have been around for a few years—one (Tooth Ferry) was mentioned on an episode of Only Murders in the Building, but I didn’t realize that second graders had named it.

Other ferry names include:

• Friendship Express

• City Fishy

• Melting Pot

• Koalafied Cruiser

• Dream Boat

In short, second graders rule.

2. Lox-smith

Speaking of NYC, Saul Zabar, founder of Zabar’s (an institution even I, an uncultured rube, had heard of) died this fall at age 97. One headline called him the “longtime lox-smith of iconic Upper West Side grocer.” We love a clever headline!

3. Moneycrisp

I did not realize that competition among apple growers was so fierce, nor that people’s lust for pricier-but-extremely-fussy-to-grow Honeycrisp apples ran so deep. We love a subculture here at NTMP, so why not apple growers and apple fans, too?

While farmers might lament growing Honeycrisps, production is on the rise. Honeycrisps, known by some farmers as “moneycrisps,” can fetch handsome paydays. (via WSJ)

That WSJ piece also shared that an apple breeder from Washington State University developed the Cosmic Crisp variety, which I actually like more than Honeycrisp. Science is so cool!

4. Mr. Trash Wheel

My friend Jeff sent a photo of this majestic vessel decked out in NFL regalia during a recent trip to Baltimore:

What in the solar-paneled riverboat barge is going on here? It turns out that Mr. Trash Wheel has his own website, and it’s kind of amazing.

Seriously, introduce me to their copywriting team:

Mr. Trash Wheel is a semi-autonomous trash interceptor that is placed at the end of a river, stream or other outfall.

Far too lazy to chase trash around the ocean, Mr. Trash Wheel stays put and waits for the waste to flow to him.

Sustainably powered and built to withstand the biggest storms, Mr. Trash Wheel uses a unique blend of solar and hydro power to pull hundreds of tons of trash out of the water each year.

What the image my friend sent doesn’t show well is that MR. TRASH WHEEL HAS GOOGLY EYES. In fact, there’s an entire family of trash wheels with their own bios that you need to read.

Here’s part of the bio for Professor Trash Wheel:

Likes: Women in science, Beyonce, Eleanor Roosevelt, Thomas Dolby and sea otters

Dislikes: Low tides, strong winds and the patriarchy

One more excellent reason to visit Baltimore.

5. BIG TURD

No one was more furious than me to learn—in my late 50s no less, on Instagram—that the word ‘Saturday’ contains the word ‘turd.’

I could’ve made so many jokes when I was a kid! Or last week, for that matter!

Anyway, I spotted this image on Bluesky, and: LOL. I captioned the screenshot BIG TURD.jpg and it’s been taunting me from my MacBook desktop all week:

It’s a good thing I never screenshare my desktop on work Zoom calls.

6. Hooters for butts

In nearly every good TV show, the chemistry between the actors and the creativity of the writers combine to create a standout episode. The one where an orangutan escapes on Grace and Frankie or the Greg Pikitis Halloween episode of Parks and Rec are good examples of this. Long Island Living is just such an episode of Only Murders in the Building. As pop culture writer Tom Smyth wrote for Vulture:

I think the murder mystery element of this show can sometimes overshadow just how dense it is with jokes. It’s not a whodunnit that’s funny, it’s a comedy about a whodunnit — often overflowing with jokes in every possible nook and cranny, despite its deathly subject matter.

In this episode, Melissa McCarthy brilliantly plays a lonely Long Island housewife with obvious relish that helps make this episode such a banger. At one point she complains that her husband spends all of his time at a place called Can-Cans. When someone asks what Can-Cans is, she replies, nearly breathless with rage, “Hooter’s for butts.” An A+ concept joke.

7. Give your money away, shorties

I know this isn’t technically a phrase but I wanted to write about it because it is great. While accepting an award at the WSJ. Magazine Innovator awards, 23-year-old Grammy-winning singer Billie Eilish called out the billionaires in the room for not sharing their wealth:

We’re in a time right now where the world is really, really bad and really dark and people need empathy and help more than, kind of, ever, especially in our country. I’d say if you have money, it would be great to use it for good things, maybe give it to some people that need it.

Love you all, but there’s a few people in here that have a lot more money than me. If you’re a billionaire, why are you a billionaire? No hate, but give your money away, shorties.

Standing ovation from me. My only note for Ms. Eilish is to omit “no hate,” but she’s young; she’ll get there eventually. People magazine reported that Mark Zuckerberg, who attended the event, did not applaud. Very on brand for him.

Bonus Bits

1. Consider a donation to PanCan this month+

I know with SNAP benefits ending for no good damn reason whatsoever, there are a lot of calls on social and in the news to donate to food banks right now—a move I also highly endorse1.

That PSA aside, I also wanted to highlight that November is Pancreatic Cancer Awareness month. The Pancreatic Cancer Action Network (PanCan) encourages people to “shine a light” on this disease by becoming aware of risk factors and advocating for research and early detection measures. I have a friend living with pancreatic cancer and let me tell you, this one is a real asshole. (The cancer, not my friend. She is awesome.)

One day we may have a preventative or a cure for pancreatic cancer, and that can only come through funding scientific research, a concept our current government does not seem to value. Please consider donating to PanCan this month, including a recurring donation if you can swing it. No amount is too small. Thank you!

2. Friend this!

A few weeks ago, the founder of tech wearable Friend flooded NYC transit with ads about the wearable device that listens to everything you do and creates affirming feedback that’s supposed to substitute for human companionship.

Wired.com wrote a review of the device titled “I hate my friend,” and New Yorkers seem to agree.

That’s it for this edition! Remember to keep making it weird and stay furiously curious!

The Phrases, With Context

But first: New-To-You Changes

Ugh, that’s a terrible heading and I’m sorry. But my brain is so full of work and life stuff that we’re gonna let it slide. I’ve been working behind the scenes on some big changes to this newsletter and its archive, along with a related project based on it. I can’t wait to share it with you!!! I’m hoping to be ready for 20261, including some fun new bonuses for paid subscribers to say thanks for helping to keep this project going.

If there’s anything I don’t offer here that you’d like to see, please let me know - post a comment, send a DM on Substack, or reply if you’re reading via email. Look for a survey soon so you can give more feedback on how to make this project even more awesome!

And now it’s time for some fresh phrases, with a bit of a “smash the oligarchy” theme. I know politics can be exhausting (and for too many, actually scary and life-threatening), and this project is supposed to offer a respite from that. But being able to laugh about the bad stuff is also vital, so these are shared in that spirit, with an important break to talk about highbrow farts.

1. Kavanaugh stop

I’ve started seeing this phrase pop up after a recent Supreme Court “emergency” (also called “shadow”) docket ruling on racial profiling by federal agents - here’s a summary via the American Bar Association:

The Supreme Court’s . . . order temporarily stayed a federal judge’s decision that barred U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement from making investigative stops based on four factors, alone or combined. They are:

• Presence at particular locations, such as car washes, day laborer pickup sites and agricultural sites

• The type of work that a person does

• Speaking Spanish or speaking English with an accent

• Apparent race or ethnicity

It wasn’t enough that the conservative majority of the court felt that this sort of profiling is a-ok. Kavanaugh went and wrote the only concurring opinion to say that Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents can consider race or language spoken as a “relevant factor” when stopping people to check their citizenship status. He also frames these stops as NBD, they’re not at all traumatizing or logistically difficult to be taken at times several states away based on racist vibes.

There’s currently a lawsuit over Kavanaugh stops filed by U.S. citizens who were detained for hours or even overnight because they were Hispanic. I hope this phrase haunts Kavanaugh for the rest of his days, long after this ruling is overturned when we get a functioning Congress.

2. Make America Dinner Again

I found this site via the Americans of Conscience Checklist (that I highly recommend).

MADA is a project started by two friends in 2016 to try and get people of diverse viewpoints and backgrounds actually talking instead of posting memes at each other. There are planning guides to host a dinner in your own community and virtual events you can join.

3. The last desperate fart of a dying corpse

I’ve been mulling a move from Spotify to Apple Music for a while now. I tried that a few years ago and there was something about Apple Music I hated—I think it kept replaying certain songs in mixes. I don’t like that they replaced their curation team with AI and are filling the app with AI slop music, or their platforming of misinformation dim bulb Joe Rogan, or that their founder and CEO Daniel Ek is investing in AI-driven military drones, and most of all I don’t like how they treat the artists that form the basis of Spotify’s business by paying them next to nothing in royalties. That’s a pretty long list of gripes against the machine.

Right now I’m in that special circle of hell involving having both a shared family Apple account for apps and an individual one, and I need to get those sorted before I can do a family plan because the signup keeps pushing me to my individual account. Annoying and time-consuming stuff, so I’m staying put for now.

I found this quote in a Guardian piece on a growing movement against the company. Thom Yorke called Spotify the last desperate fart of a dying corpse before removing his solo music from the platform. He later restored it, as have several other artists who pulled their catalogs in recent years, including Taylor Swift, Joni Mitchell, and Neil Young.

If you’d like to learn more, there’s the Guardian piece linked above and a book called Mood Machine: The Rise of Spotify and the Costs of the Perfect Playlist by Liz Pelly.

I share this with the caveats that I know migrating platforms is a huge pain in the ass (see my lament above), we only have so much time in our lives, and if we want to only be on ethical platforms and work only with ethical companies, frankly, the pickins are slim. Less ideological purity and more voting with our dollars when we can and when it makes sense, please.

4. The Pillsbury Proud Boys

If you haven’t read the Politico piece about a group chat among Young Republicans who repeatedly, and pointedly, shared horrific racist, Hitler-loving, rape fantasy comments to each other as part of their “banter,” here’s a link. Be warned that the things these fully formed adults (not “kids” as JD Vance tried calling them) wrote and laughed about are difficult to read.

Lyz Lenz at Men Yell at Me—which recently moved from Substack to Patreon!—wrote a very funny Dingus of the Week column about these vanilla pudding bags.

I saw this phase in a post by Canadian comic artist Ellen Woodbury. She has subsequently been banned from Threads for a joke suggesting we create conversion therapy for Nazis and had her Facebook monetization removed for making a comic about the Young Republicans. Yeah, Zuck has gone full fashy.

If you want to support this indie artist, here’s a link to the Pizza Cake Comics Patreon and Bluesky.

And look, I am not trying to body shame but if you see photos of the (fully grown, adult) white men who made most of these “jokes,” and how they all look eerily similar, like embryonic JD Vances, this phrase makes sense.

5. Scatological snob

This is a phrase coined by yours truly while talking with my friend Charlie, a talented artist who writes the brilliant and amazing Archive Report (among other things) that I really, really, REALLY (!!!) want him to start up again. Feel free to pester him about that.

Anyway, I was trying to describe my sense of humor to him and labeled myself a scatological snob. This is very much a Supreme Court “I know it when I see it” pornography test, but I don’t find just any fart, poop, or sex jokes funny. 99%2 of the many fart-themed board games out there? Not funny to me. Basically, you have to make an effort. I don’t know any other way to describe it. I do, however find it rather funny that someone owns fart.com.

My husband of 28 years doing a fake fart sound in response to me burping? That sounds similar to the burp? EXTREMELY funny and I laugh every time (I am both a great crowd and a cheap date). A 28-year bit! The time when my kids were little and heard a squeaking sound in a heat vent, so I told them to get closer and listen to see if there was a mouse in there, and as they leaned in and it got very quiet, I ripped a huge fart? That was very funny! The Thom Yorke quote above? Excellent! A gross, sick burn and I love it. Maybe I need to get on the Supreme Court so I can write a random concurring opinion and make my interns research funny and not-funny fart jokes.

6. Measles Are Here Again

Self-explanatory phrase as a suggested replacement for MAHA, or “Make America Healthy Again.” I’m going to start using it immediately and encourage you to do the same:

Bonus Bits

1. No Kings protest signs

I love a funny protest sign. The best one I’ve seen so far was from a Chicago protest before the No Kings one:

I also really liked one that just read, “FUCK YOU MAKE ME,” which is the ideal stance to take against this administration, because they’re bullies, and all bullies are cowards who back down when anyone pushes back.

Last but not least, the “Arrest me, Daddy” videos I’m seeing are very funny. Here’s one example. Make Cops Uncomfortable With Their Internalized Homophobia Again, or MCUWTIHA. And again and again, Daddy.

Did you march? What was it like? Did you see any good signs or costumes?

Leave a comment

2. The Cheers cast was how old?

Found this via an ‘80s-themed Instagram account:

Look, if you’re too young to have seen Cheers, that’s fine. And I haven’t verified these ages because I needed a nap in my recliner after seeing it and then forgot all about it. Also, I don’t care. But whether or not you get this reference, the space-cadet elder bartender, “Coach,” was 58. 58!!! I turn 58 this month!! This is a crime against me specifically!!!

That’s it for this edition. Remember to keep making it weird, and stay furiously curious!

S.H.I.T.P.H.O.N.E. * PechaKucha * External meatus * Slop bowl * Dilemma activism * A sizeable set of luggage * Concentration Corner

The Phrases, With Context

It’s supposedly fall here in the Midwest but my weather app says otherwise, so we are currently sweating instead of wearing sweaters. Every time this happens, I remember that oil company execs knew global warming would get worse back in the ‘70s and they just shrugged and chose their own greed over their descendants’ futures. (Yes, I’m fun at parties.)

In this edition, we have dumb-phone stans, nerd gatherings, a great joke, and more. Read to the end for what is probably the funniest story I’ve ever heard.

Let’s get to it!

1. S.H.I.T.P.H.O.N.E.

, tech journalist and author of Blood in the Machine: The Origins of the Rebellion Against Big Tech, does an amazing job covering the latest news and nefarious doings of tech oligarchs through the lens of workers’ rights. In a recent newsletter, “The Luddite Renaissance is in Full Swing,” Merchant shared examples of groups that are pushing back against the blatant power grabs big tech are making.

S.H.I.T.P.H.O.N.E. (Scathing Hatred of Information Technology and the Passionate Hemorrhaging of Our Neo-liberal Experience) is an acronym that organizers definitely want to save to their keyboard shortcuts. It’s also an event held this fall in NYC. I couldn’t find anything about it beyond Merchant’s post, probably because it’s a grass-roots, anti-tech, anonymously organized local event.

2. PechaKucha

I learned this phrase from my friend Jessica, who does vital work in my community for the Friends of the Woodstock Public Library (@friends-library23 on Venmo to support a cool library!) and the extremely weird local gem Atrocious Poets (donate here to support their poetic escapades!).

During a meeting of our local community care group, I mentioned wanting to host PowerPoint parties (no, I have not given up on this idea!). I’m a bit of a ham and a nerd who loves a good sight gag and want to find fun ways to share info about ideas that promote public good or just random cool stuff. Like my obsessions with both Andor and birds. Jessica shared that her brother attends PechaKucha gatherings in his town, and I needed to know more.

The PechaKucha website’s tagline reads: “Share Your Passion. Tell Your Story. Find Your People.” You’d think they’d explain the meaning of the word on their about page, but alas. Wikipedia says it’s Japanese for “chit-chat,” and that the events were created by a Tokyo architecture firm as a way to draw visitors to their event space. The website is a platform for hosting presentations and it links to events around the world, and also has some weird crypto stuff in there for some reason.

The PechaKucha storytelling format goes like this: people share 20 slides about a topic, with 20 seconds for each slide, lasting nearly seven minutes. Perfect for lifelong learners with short attention spans.

If you attended a PechaKucha event, what would your presentation be about?

Leave a comment

3. External meatus

A friend sent this phrase after a visit to a urologist’s office, where they saw it on an anatomy poster. I mean, if you have to see a urologist, you might as well have a laugh over a word like meatus. According to Cleveland Clinic, meatus means “opening from the inside to the outside.” From a urological perspective, the external meatus is the hole from which urine and/or semen flow. It’s basically a fancy way of saying peehole if you want to feel smart at parties. If you’re wondering whether we have an internal meatus anywhere, the answer is yes, inside the ear.

4. Slop bowl

This phrase evokes our current timeline, where enshittification feels like the norm. Found via Deb Perelman at Smitten Kitchen, this Business Insider piece, “America’s favorite slop bowl chains are in trouble. We tasted them to figure out why,” delves into what you get for your $20+ at popular fast-casual chains Chipotle, Sweetgreen, and Cava.

The slop bowl started out as an elevated way to consume fast food alternatives to fried options—essentially a customizable protein-forward salad with grains.

I’m no expert, but I think journalists outright calling these offerings “slop bowls” is not a good sign for the companies offering them. Another Business Insider piece called “Splat goes the slop bowl” backs me up on this. These companies are struggling, and the predominant theory seems to be that customers are thinking, “If I’m going to pay $25 and up for a sad entree, I’ll either make one at home or go to Chili’s and have a sit-down restaurant experience.” Which is fair!

5. Dilemma activism

I found this phrase via self-described amateur historian Amanda Nelson, who posts as “Amanda’s Mild Takes” on the socials and Substack. Nelson’s salty content is one of the things keeping me grounded in this era of greed and stupidity, particularly her “get a grip” posts that push back against progressive doomerism. Instead of saying “they’ll never let us never vote again,” we should be embodying, “fuck you, try and stop me.” Inject that attitude directly into my veins!

I searched both TikTok and Insta and could not find the post where she shared this, but here’s the nutshell: Dilemma activism, more commonly called dilemma action, is a way of trolling authoritarian leaders by putting them in a situation where if they lower themselves by responding to what you’re doing, they look foolish and if they don’t, they also look ridiculous. This idea comes from Serbian resistance and is documented in the book Pranksters vs. Autocrats: Why dilemma actions advance nonviolent activism” by Srdja Popovic and Sophia A. McClennen.

An example Nelson cited is when Serbian activists set up barrels with Slobodan Milosevic’s face on them and put bats next to them, requesting small donations for a chance to hit Milosevic in the face. The police were faced with the dilemma of taking the barrels away as if they were “arresting” them, which looked silly, or leaving them, which made their war criminal boss man look bad. The statue recently erected near the Capitol showing Trump and Epstein holding hands while skipping is a great example of dilemma activism. More! Of! This!

If you’ve seen any good examples of this in the wild, let me know!

Leave a comment

6. A sizeable set of luggage

There is a handful of TV shows I’d have traded one of my children to write for. Not the one who subscribes to this newsletter; membership has its perks. Andor. Parks and Rec. Somebody Somewhere. And most recently, Only Murders in the Building—a show I am late to watching.

If you’re not familiar, Only Murders was co-created by Steve Martin and and John Hoffman about two older men and a millennial woman who start a true crime podcast centered around murders that happen in their New York apartment building. The snappy dialogue, the generational humor, Steve Martin doing physical comedy—it’s such a fun show with a real, beating heart at its center.

This phrase came from Martin Short’s character, Oliver Putnam, a theater director who drops the best deadpan showbiz barbs. In one episode, the podcast trio finds a nude painting of the father of Steve Martin’s character, and Putnam drolly muses, “Papa had a sizeable set of luggage.”

Such a good joke! And there are so many like it on this show! Anyway, I’m available to write jokes for your show, Steve—call me!

7. Concentration Corner

This is the dorkiest phrase and it’s coined by yours truly, but I have never denied being a huge dork. Over my nearly 25 years of self-employment while raising kids and caring for elders, including a cross-country-and-back move, I’ve seen my home offices come and go. Sometimes I’ve had to offer an office space so a relative could live with us. Other times, teen siblings outgrew sharing a bedroom and asked for their own room.

I think I’ve surrendered my home office four times now, each time bringing with it a bit of grief, because I like having a big desk and monitors and decorating a little nest just for me. But it also feels good to be in community and to share with others. I have adult kids who can’t afford to move out in this insane economy, and being able to give them a roof over their head while they save for their futures feels good and important to me.

This is a really long way to travel just to tell you that my latest home office is tucked into a corner of my bedroom, which I have feathered with art and a bulletin board covered with random lovely and funny stuff. My desk is very small, but goddamn if I don’t get a ton of work done when my ADHD butt is tethered to that beautiful little spot. So I named it Concentration Corner.

Bonus Bit

Best story reveal ever? I have watched this reel 400 times to support my mental health, and I cry-laugh every time. I am going to screen record it and request that it be played as part of my memorial slide show. If you’ve ever sent a wrong link in a work email, you’ll empathize with this poor person.

That’s it for this week! Remember to keep making it weird and stay furiously curious!

Propaganbots * Drab-breasted bamboo tyrant * Japandi style * Documentary theatre * Deep casual hosting * Uncle Robot * Room 8

The Phrases, With Context

I gained quite a few new subscribers recently. If that’s you, welcome! It’s weird around here; I hope you like it. In addition to diving into oddball words and phrases, sometimes we cover politics and pop culture and other random topics I think readers like you might find interesting or amusing. If you’ve been around a while, it’s good to have you here; thank you for reading!

This is a reader-supported, 100% human-made operation. If you enjoy my work here, please consider upgrading to a paid subscription:

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Man, what a week to be an American. Every week feels like that but this one was particularly extra. Our elected leaders fear MAGA and love their own power more than they love our kids. The only things I’ll say about Charlie Kirk are that nobody deserves to be shot and killed for stating their beliefs and I sincerely hope his kids get to grow up in a better society than the one their father worked to make happen. It is also increasingly clear how harmful our online media silos have become. We hold radicalization machines in the palms of our hands, a seductive antidote for loneliness and disenfranchisement, with apps run by people who do not give a shit about any of us.

I don’t know what to do about any of this except try to single-handedly solve it all inside my brain for about 22 hours each day. (The other two hours are spent thinking about birds or Andor.)

If you want a small action to take, author and history teacher Sharon McMahon has so far helped raise over $300K for Moms Demand Action via Instagram. You can also donate on your own if you’re off the socials or don’t want to give through Meta.

Pro tip: Get a Google Voice number and use it for all political donations. Then their spam texts can just go there, where you never check them and can mass delete them when Google threatens to delete your number for lack of use.

Okay, wow, what an intro. So somber. So salty. I promise, there are phrases! This week, we have a reader-coined phrase, an insulting bird name, a roving, presumably-friendly dad bot, and more.

Let’s get to it!

1. Propaganbots

This phrase was coined by my friend (and NTMP subscriber) Mel:

Propaganbots are what I’ve been calling the fake accounts hitting me up for $$$ on Tumblr and the fake Bluesky accounts with White Dude of a Certain Age avatars (but no posts).

A solid portmanteau to describe one of the many minor inconveniences that comprise the continual enshittification of online spaces, where trying to do any little goddamned thing prompts a user experience akin to swatting at swarms of gnats.

2. Drab-breasted bamboo tyrant

I can’t recall where I saw the name of this bird but it did make me wonder about what drugs avian taxonomists use. This bird is tiny and cute (see above); why’d they go and do them like that?

Can someone put me in charge of bird naming? I think Tiny Little Green Guy is much better suited to this fly-catching friend. eBird has a description and habitat range for the Tiny Little Green Guy, which lives in South America.

Fun fact: “Tyrant” is a name used for a group of birds called flycatchers. I looked into how “tyrant” was chosen and found a Tuscon.com post attributing it to an English naturalist named James Catesby, who traveled to the U.S. in the early 1700s. It doesn’t say why Catesby called the flycatcher a tyrant, but it caught on.

Carl Linnaeus, the father of taxonomy, adopted the tyrant name when he was classifying the group of birds to which the kingbird belongs with the family name Tyrannidae, because he admired Catesby’s work. Since then there are a number of birds in this group referred to as tyrants.

Catesby lived an interesting life, exploring the wilds of the U.S., Bermuda, and Jamaica in the early 1700s, documenting wildlife and plants in beautiful illustrations. He captured images of birds that are now extinct, like the Carolina Parakeet and the Passenger Pigeon. Like a proto-Substack content creator, Catesby solicited subscribers to fund a self-published volume called Natural History of Carolina, Florida & the Bahama Islands, which he made his life’s work. His art was beautiful and several original copies of this work still exist.

3. Japandi style

I’ve been looking for a blanket that is silky smooth on the outside and not too hot but not made from microplastics or whatever. During my (so far futile) search, I came across this phrase on some bougie home goods site.

Japandi is a portmanteau for Japanese and Scandanavian, and the home style incorporates elements from both cultures—”minimalist, earthy, and organic,”— according to my Instagram bio The Spruce. It essentially combines natural elements (wood and bamboo are prominent), open, airy design, and a “less is more” look.

I think I’m way too into color and chaos for this look and have more of an “art store explodey” situation going on at my place. Case in point—my shitty Wayfair cabinet:

4. Documentary theatre

We saw alt-country legend Steve Earle during his 50th anniversary tour earlier this year, where he told stories about the arc of his career. Here’s one of my favorite songs of his.

I was not aware that Earle lives in New York and writes primarily for a genre he called documentary theatre these days. This phase began when screenwriters Jessica Blank and Erik Jensen approached Earle to write the songs for their play, Coal Country, which tells the story of the Upper Big Branch Mine disaster that took the lives of 29 workers. Earle noted during his performance that it was the first non-union mine in West Virginia history, adding that this wasn’t a coincidence, because trade unions exist to protect workers. He’s a fiery ol’ progressive shit and I like that about him. #goals

The song “It’s About Blood” ends with Earle saying the names of the men who were killed. It was really moving to see it performed live, and while I’m not a musical theatre person, I’d go see this show.

On a minor personal note, I was thrilled to hear Earle credit DJ Lin Brehmer at WXRT for getting his alt-country career started by playing his songs for a major market like Chicago. My ex-radio-producer husband knew Lin, whose signature sign-off was, “It’s great to be alive.” He was a good guy. ‘XRT also introduced me to John Hiatt, an all-time alt-country fave of mine. I think it’s cool to trace the roots of where we discover things that travel with us through our lives, and how people with influence can completely change the arc of a career. I say this while recognizing that “people with influence” has historically meant “white men with money and power,” and thus is a flawed, often harmful hierarchy.

5. Deep casual hosting

This Substack post makes the argument for chill gatherings:

In this method of hosting, you are going casual on the surface, so you can go deeper with your connections and relationships by regularly gathering in a more relaxed setting.

They list eight tips for pulling this off, including “Don’t aim to ‘wow’” and “Embrace a ‘Minimum Viable Cleanliness’ Standard.”

Can we just call this hosting? Because this is exactly how I host.

Then again, I was raised lower-middle class where money was always tight and social media didn’t exist, I’m a neurospicy chaos muppet, and IDGAF about either propriety or perfection. But in case you needed a permission slip to host in ways that prioritize interaction over appearances, there are some good tips here.

6. Uncle Robot

I only saved this for the description, via Garbage Day:

“There’s a robot in China that’s dressed like Adam Sandler and runs like he shit himself and I love him.”

The internet seems to have dubbed him “Uncle Bot” if you want to do a deeper dive into this. Here’s a good example of the whole dad bot vibe (via X).

Also hard pass on robots just running around in the streets.

7. Room 8

Are feel-good animal stories on social media single-handedly holding us up right now, or am I projecting? Found at Depths of Wikipedia, this is such a cool story and I want more people to know about it.

Room 8 was a cat who adopted a classroom at Elysian Heights Elementary School in Echo Park, California in 1952. He climbed in through a classroom window one day, hung out, and just . . . kept visiting until 1968. Each summer Room 8 would peace out and live elsewhere, but on the first day of school, there he’d be, back in class.

You can see a photo of Room 8 and read more of his story written by a former student.

Here’s how you know this cat was real: “One former student said, "I never liked Room 8 because he sat on my homework."

Asshole Bird of the Month

It’s these guys.

Observe (sound on to get the full effect):

What an honor to dub not one, but four birds as ABTM! I’m referring to the two-year-old turkeys who roost in the trees above our house. These siblings are apparently sort of horny or something right now, so their obsession with shiny things like their own reflection in a car is making them go a bit bananas. Last week, one of the three hens jumped onto the roof of my husband’s car and scratched the shit out of it.

We still adore them. Well, my husband not so much, but of course they love HIM because all animals do.

Bonus Bits

1. A simple action step to protect our public lands: Leave a public comment telling the Trump administration to leave the “roadless rule” in place and not open public lands to development. For almost 25 years, the Clinton-era roadless rule has prevented building roads or logging in nearly 58 million acres of public lands. Part of the basis given for rescinding the rule is to thin forests to prevent wildfires—a seemingly good goal—but do we trust these fuckers, like at all? We can sustainably and responsibly thin the forests as a fire suppression tactic without opening them up to business interests.

2. Tasty spoonerisms: I really like they way that they slightly break my brain, as a little treat.

   That’s it for this week! Remember to keep making it weird and stay furiously curious!

Noodling * Colonel Dustard * Everyone Hates Elon * Mankeeping * Hyperbolic paraboloid * The LeBron James of being unlikable * Outsidey * Butterfly trail

The Phrases, With Context

I am writing this to you with the windows of my house open for the first time in months. Leaves on the audacious tree across the street are already changing. Everyone at my place is weary of the tyranny of humidity and ready for fall to start. LFG! 🍁☕️🪵🎃🍂

In this edition, we have the GOAT of unlikeability, redefining the phrase “fishing hole,” tasty shapes and more.

Let’s get to it!

1. Noodling

The U.S. is a big country with many regions and subcultures. In fact, I have a book on my TBR pile called American Nations: A history of the eleven rival regional cultures of North America by Colin Woodard that does a deep dive into this topic. Never were these regionalisms more apparent to me than when I discovered noodling via an online book club. One person—with great affection for her home state—referred to it as Oklahoma’s unofficial sport, lol.

The rough idea I got from that discussion is that people in certain regions of the country willingly reach inside of underwater holes to try and catch catfish.

It gets better. Here’s Wikipedia’s summary, which includes alternative names for noodling:

The noodler places their hand or foot inside a discovered catfish hole in order to catch the fish. Other names for the same activity are used in different regions, primarily in the South and Midwest, and include hogging, dogging, grappling, grabbling, tickling, and catfisting.

There is so much to unpack here.

• Hand OR foot? Or FOOT?

• Catfisting?!? The way I screamed!!

• The map at Wikipedia shows that people in my home state of Illinois also noodle. Are noodlers. Engage in noodling. What in the Abe Lincoln is going on here? I had no idea! Apparently I’ve been living in a catfish hole, waiting for the foot of knowledge to kick start my brain.

Someone from that book club Discord shared this video, which I have not yet watched but was delighted to discover includes Matty Matheson, whom you may know as Neil Fak from The Bear (and probably my favorite character, after Tina):

Matheson is a Canadian celebrity, chef, and musician, further establishing in my mind that Canada is superior to the U.S. in every way. Once again, I had no idea about any of these things. I feel like I just woke up from a coma only to discover we have jetpacks, flying cars, and universal healthcare.

2. Colonel Dustard

Continuing our fondness at NTMP for objects and creatures with punny names, we have Colonel Dustard for a robot vacuum name. h/t to my friend Rebecca for this one.

Screenshot because I refuse to use Threads, the shittiest of the socials:

I am, however, willing to feed off of Threads like a comedy vampire. I love what a drama queen the Colonel is.

I’d love to hear your ideas for a robot vacuum name. Share in comments if you’re into that sort of thing.

Leave a comment

3. Everyone Hates Elon

This is the name of a UK political campaign group (actually a friend group with design skills) that’s been trolling the Trump administration and its assorted goonish barnacles for a while now. Examples include London bus stop Tesla ads that read “Goes from 0 to 1939 in 3 seconds” with an image of Musk giving what anyone with a brain and eyes in their heads know was a Nazi salute. They also created an ad featuring Trump and Epstein together and added a sign under an official Trump golf course sign that read “Twinned with Epstein Island.” I enjoy sight gags, good design, and shaming these clowns, so I look forward to seeing what else this group gets up to.

4. Mankeeping

This word comes from a recent New York Times article titled “Why Women Are Weary of the Emotional Labor of ‘Mankeeping.’” The term was coined by Stanford fellow Angelica Puzio Ferrara in a paper describing the issue as part of a “male friendship recession.”

Specifically, mankeeping is defined as the labor that women take on to shore up losses in men’s social networks and reduce the burden of men’s isolation on families, the heterosexual bond, and on men.

Mankeeping is a play on the term kinkeeping, which I cheeikly take to mean “women doing the emotional labor for families.” I know there’s a lot of oxygen devoted to male loneliness in the media these days, and it’s easy to brush it off as their problem. I do believe lonely men need to start stepping up and doing the work of learning how to create their own connections with other humans. I also believe—based anecdotally and on my own experience—that women in their 40s and up are tired. Many of us have been caregiving in one form or another for decades and we want partners, not another person to take care of. I recognize that this entire entry paints in very broad strokes; I have male caregivers with rich friendships in my life and I’m betting you do, too.

I think about this dynamic often because I’ve been reckoning with my own role in taking on a large share of both project management and emotional labor in my own life, for various reasons that I’m still exploring. I don’t have any clear answers or simple solutions here. But speaking only as myself as a Gen X hetero woman, I have found that open, honest conversations create inroads for men to step up and step into taking on some of this work for themselves. This is how progress often happens.

5. Hyperbolic paraboloid

I recently caught up on the latest episodes of the Maintenance Phase podcast, and this phrase came up during their show about ultra-processed foods (transcript at the link). Spoiler: there is no scientific definition for or consensus on what this term means but there’s plenty of moral panic about it from wellness influencers.

In that episode, co-host Aubrey Gordon shared that the shape of Pringles has a name: hyperbolic paraboloid.

Speaking of Pringles, my family will try just about any weird snack edition out there, and a few years ago they released a cheeseburger flavored variety that was surprisingly good.

6. The LeBron James of being unlikeable

Jamelle Bouie is one of the sharpest thinkers and writers of these times.

If you’d like to see this serious man of letters him make himself laugh while insulting JD Vance and Stephen Miller (the unlikeable person in question), here you go:

Here’s a TikTok link.

As my friend Jessica put so aptly when describing Trump-adjacent people like billionaires and his advisors, “Why do they always resemble their souls?”

7. Outsidey

I found this term that describes being outsidey, or outdoors-adjacent, as a play on outdoorsy. Basically glamping vs. backpacking.

This January 2024 Huffington Post article gives a good overview:

As travel content creator Sam Cormier, who goes by @samanthas_suitcase on Instagram, put it, “An ‘outsidey’ person is someone who genuinely enjoys being outside, but without the exertion.”

Cormier says she didn’t coin the term but doesn’t share where she first discovered it. This Instagram post dated November 14, 2023 uses the term. Could this be the origin point? It’s the oldest reference I could find.

I’m definitely outdoorsy but there are ways that chronic pain and injuries have shifted me toward being outsidey. For example, sleeping on the ground is not as easy or fun as it was in my 20s and camping lost much of its appeal once I had kids and realized I was doing all the housework and caregiving I already do . . . but with more dirt and pit toilets.

As far as coining new words goes, this one is playful and fun and I like it.

How do you identify - outdoorsy or outsidey? Why?

Leave a comment

8. Butterfly trail

This phrase illustrates how some of the best initiatives are community-led and involve multiple groups across disciplines.

In Missouri, a community group called The Hamilton Alliance is creating a 26-mile butterfly trail traversing 13 counties within the state. The goal is to create habitats for butterflies and raise awareness about conservation. The trail will include gardens, art installations, educational centers, and research facilities, with each county taking ownership for maintaining their portion of the trail.

Project partners include multiple state agencies, private businesses, the U.S. Department of Agriculture, National Park Service, and the Smithsonian Institute. All of this started with a few community members with nonprofit and fundraising experience. More of this!

That’s it for this week! Remember to keep making it weird and stay furiously curious.

Beebeetown * Robert Henri * Cowlorado * Raven Haven * Living snow fence * Pork.org

The Phrases, With Context

I’m back from a road trip to hike with my family in one of my favorite places in the world, Grand Teton National Park. In this edition, instead of making you sit through a vacay slideshow, I’m sharing phrases gathered on that journey. Which is probably just as annoying, but hopefully not.

Let’s get to it!

1. Beebeetown

We spotted Beebeetown on a map at an Iowa rest area. Sadly, there’s no Beebeetown website, but I found a “Pieces of Iowa’s Past” newsletter that says it was named for a man named Frederick Beebee, who settled there in the late 1800s. Beebee and his (unnamed) wife established a post office at their home so they could receive mail. That’s it; that’s the history, as far as I could find.

According to Ancestry.com, Beebee is English—as in, from England—for “baby.”

During my research, I found Roadside Thoughts, a gazetteer (geographic dictionary) compiled by a former game designer. It very much reads like an engineer or coder compiled it, and it looks like an interesting resource. I love a chewy project like this.

2. Robert Henri

While driving through endless Nebraska cornfields that smell like poo, we saw a sign featuring a black-and-white photo of a white man that looked to be from the turn of the 20th century. No wording on the sign, just the photo. A bit further a sign advertising the birthplace of Robert Henri appeared, promoting a museum dedicated to him in Cozad, NE.

An uncultured rube, I had never heard of Henri, a painter born Robert Henry Cozad in 1865. Henri studied in Paris for a time and became a realist painter and a founder of the Ashcan School in New York. The Ashcan School was a form of American realism adopted by a small group of painters who wanted to depict the lives of immigrants and working class people rather than members of elite society. Henri’s motto was "Art for life's sake," rather than "art for art's sake."

Conclusion: In service of curiosity, we should place more random photos of people in cornfields.

3. Cowlorado

My middle kid, who does not read this newsletter, described Colorado thusly after we passed several grassless, crowded, and depressing dairy farms typical of the eastern part of the state.

4. Raven Haven

This is the name of a road in the town of Wilson, Wyoming, where we stayed during vacation. Not that I condone committing misdemeanors here at NTMP, but I’d swipe a sign if I could.

5. Living snow fence

Somewhere in Wyoming north of Laramie, I saw a row of trees with a sign that read Living Snow Fence.

If you live somewhere it doesn’t snow, a snow fence is designed to keep snow from drifting onto roads during winter. The U.S. Forest Service offers a .PDF from 2011 describing the concept and pros and cons.

Nice to see a federal government publication that hasn’t (yet) been stripped of facts and data and replaced with propaganda. A living snow fence is a longer-lasting and more eco-friendly way to prevent snow drifts, assuming you have good soil for growing trees at your location.

6. Pork.org

How can you not laugh at a roadside sign that reads Pork inside a porkchop-shaped background?

The (trademarked!) tagline at Pork.org is even better:

Taste what pork can do.

I really feel for the marketers who worked on this website. How do you apply your creativity to make pork appealing and interesting? They tried, man. There’s a “Some of Our Favorite Cuts” section with a call-to-action button under it that reads “See more cuts.” LOL. My hat’s off to this team.

If I were working on that project I’d have an education section about proper cooking temps called Pork University, or PorkU for short. I’m available, National Pork Board, is what I’m saying.

@scrums199Perfect date spot #romantic #romanticizeyourlife #autumnaesthetic #fallfun

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Asshole Bird of the Month, August 2025

I love Evil Larry.

Courtesy of my middle kid.

Bonus Bits

1. The best Zoom call ever?!?!!

We didn’t get a chance to visit the nonprofit Teton Raptor Center during our visit, but I learned that you can do a Zoom call WITH AN OWL!!!!!!! I totally want to do this. I will look EXACTLY like the person in the center of the column on the left.

2. The Simply Write Podcast - On Writing NTMP

I got to be a guest on my friend Polly Campbell’s Simply Write podcast, where I talk about NTMP as a gratifying side project that’s not a side hustle. I haven’t listened to it yet but hopefully I’m not too cringe. Polly is a great presenter and interviewer; check out her podcast for stories and insights into the writing life.

That’s it for this edition! Remember to keep making it weird, and stay furiously curious!