NTMP 122: Jim PowerPoint
Should we talk about the feather?
New-To-Me Phrases, September 15, 2024
Hillbilly Vanilli * Million-Dollar Jagoff * Local “feather” forecast * Transgender operations on illegal aliens that are in prison * Deploreans * A LiveBarn subscription * Joe Spreadsheet * Lesser Yellowlegs
The Phrases, With Context
It’s good to be back after two weeks away to recover from orthopedic surgery. In case you didn’t know, my plan is to gradually replace my skeleton with metal until it’s at least 25% titanium by age 80. So far, so good.
This week, we have a lot of political content, unsurprisingly. It’s wild how much happens on the national stage in even a couple of weeks. There’s also bird stuff, sportspuck, and spreadsheet hotness.
Let’s get to it!
1. HIllbilly Vanilli
Vance may come across like an idiot, but the rumors he’s been spreading about Haitian immigrants who relocated to Springfield, Ohio are incredibly dangerous. It is deeply concerning that this hateful sack of shit could achieve the second highest office in the country behind an aging President.
See also: A related apt descriptor for Vance.
2. Million-Dollar Jagoff
If you click one link this week, let it be this one. Just trust me.
3. Local “feather” forecast
Read NTMP for any length of time and you’ll know I’m a bird nerd. But the people in charge of the Cornell Lab of Ornithology’s eNews updates put me to shame—as they should! They’re the experts, after all.
In a recent newsletter, they used this great pun that made me want to fist-bump the copywriter:
This is more than just a terrific pun - BirdCast is an amazing dashboard that shows how many birds migrated through your county the previous few nights, and predictions about which species passed over. Look at that sexy heatmap! (Hi, I am also a data visualization nerd.)
For example, BirdCast says 205,400 birds flew through my county last night.
Even if you’re not a bird nerd, the data visualizations on the dashboard will light up your brain. Check it out!
4. Transgender operations on illegal aliens that are in prison
Did you watch the presidential debate? I couldn’t watch for more than a few seconds at a time until I finally noped out. Honestly, I find debates incredibly stressful in boring circumstances; the acrimony seeps into my marrow. I also try to avoid hearing Trump’s voice. It’s all too much.
But the memes afterward? And the news that even conservative media conceded that Harris won? Highly enjoyable.
Unless you’ve been living under a rock, this word salad phrase is an actual thing that Trump—a candidate for the highest office in our nation—said during the debate. And he probably believes it. He believes whatever he sees on TV or reads on his brain rot social networks. Here’s a solid take from Matt Bernstein, aka Matt xiv:
Relatedly, Matt also mentioned in a Story that he couldn’t figure out why Trump kept talking about immigrants coming from “insane asylums.” Then he wrote. “Asylum. He doesn’t know what political asylum means. He thinks it means insane asylums.”
I’ve typed the word asylum so many times it looks weird now. But again, I want to point out, this is the person running for the highest office in the land, who doesn’t understand what political asylum means.
And half our country thinks he’s a great candidate, or the only acceptable candidate because they want to pay lower taxes or they call themselves “pro life” while voting for policies that harm mothers, infants, and children. It’s enough to make you want to walk directly into the nearest lake, but instead I think we should call or text our local Dem HQ and ask how we can help get the vote out.
5. Deploreans
As seen on TwiXter - h/t to my pal Tim for this one:
See also: a related accurate Cybertruck rebrand.
6. A LiveBarn subscription
One of my Hag pals mentioned she hoped her friend had “a LiveBarn subscription” to capture a certain very funny Zamboni incident. The rest of us were all, “a live WHAT now?”
That’s when I learned that “barn” is slang for “hockey rink” and that people pay for live feed subscriptions to their fave local ice rinks.
7. Joe Spreadsheet
Ryan at Garbage Day recently shared a link to this post on BlueSky (their term for posts is “skeets” and I just cannot yet) and just . . . wow.
Screenshot below because you need an account to view skee—posts there:
You know it’s authentic because it has his signature on it.
Is there any Mavis Beacon/Joe Spreadsheet fanfic? I hope so.
8. Lesser Yellowlegs
Isn’t it great when you discover a species name that reads like a five-year-old named it? Here’s an overview with some nice visual data from Cornell Lab of Ornithology. Also known as “marshpipers,” (a great word) these shorebirds migrate across the entire U.S. to breed in meadows and open woods in Canada.
There’s also a Greater Yellowlegs and I wonder how the Lesser Yellowlegs feels about that. 🙁
Bonus Bits
1. A great attitude shifter
For the next time you’re stuck in traffic, courtesy of my friend Mike, who writes a great music newsletter/playlist combo called Downbeat.fm.
2. Resident Turkey pics
I moved this content to the end, fully realizing that most people are not as bird-obsessed as me and might want to skip this part. If you’re new here, we have a wild turkey residing on our property in a small town outside of Chicago. We’ve named him Turkey. He’s a big hit both with my family and our neighbors. He’s tame when he’s around us—he actually chases my husband like baby turkeys chase their mamas—but if a car dares to drive by he goes full ‘roid gymbro, chasing it without thinking through the consequences of catching it.
I leave you with the sounds a turkey makes when they’re happy. Based on his behavior when this dumb-dumb sees a car, it turns out that turkey gobbling is a battle cry.
That’s it for this week! Remember to keep making it weird and stay furiously curious!
I think someone else might be responsible for your Hillbilli Vanilli knowledge. Another doppelganger Randal.