WP 11: Pizzly Thirsty

There's (unfortunately) an app for that

May 24, 2026

Junk Thirsty | Pizzly bears | PoopCheck | Food forest

Close-up shot of a polar bear's face — Photo by Hans-Jurgen Mager on Unsplash

This week in phraseology

Hello! I have some phrases for you! It’s been a minute but I am back. I’ve also been collecting fun words and phrases in the background this entire time, as one does.

In this edition, we have some interesting brand choices, lonely bears, and hyper-local feasts. Also, I got you some memes.

Let’s get to it!

1. Junk Thirsty

I saw this brand name (yes, it is an actual company) on a sign by the highway, which featured a raccoon hanging from the AI-designed logo. But it was the unfortunate double entendre that stood out for me. This is why you need marketers on your team, folks!

So I went to the website and

Screenshot of the Junk Thirsty homepage that includes phrases: Your Junk. Our Thirst. and "Text a photo of your junk for instant pricing"

They have to know, right? Is this where the Wordpecker investigative reporting division needs to kick in, where I call them to ask? I will also have to ask how many photos of junk they have received.

Also, FAQs does not have an apostrophe. See my earlier note about hiring marketers.

2. Pizzly bears

Alex Falcone is a comedian who posts extremely Wordpecker-coded video series like “Is it a scam? Yep!” Speaking of Wordpecker-coded, he also writes an entertaining Fun Fact Friday newsletter.

In this Insta video, Falcone shares about Pizzlies (polar-grizzly hybrid bears):

Huge bonus points for the phrase “zoo perverts.” Here’s the Fun Fact Friday newsletter about hybrids.

3. PoopCheck

I keep a running Google doc each year for words and phrases to write about, with links, attribution, and assorted notes. My comment for this word read, “I don’t even know where to begin writing about this one, LOL.”

Sadly, this company makes sense if you’re unfortunate enough to be aware of certain healthmaxxer behaviors from the likes of Tim Ferris or Brian Johnson. Oh, you’re not? I am sorry for what I’m about to do to you.

The Maintenance Phase and If Books Could Kill podcasts recently teamed up to review The 4-Hour Body book by Tim Ferris. At one point in the book, Ferris reveals that he started weighing his poops, which led to a lot of very funny speculation on the logistics of how one goes about such a thing. Good thing this man already does lots of squats at the gym, and (book spoiler) at restaurants before eating! So yes, there is a certain type of health-obsessed, death-fearing, ever-optimizer who will pay to test every bodily metric possible to avoid feeling their feelings and facing their own mortality.

See also: this LinkedIn post that I had to log in to verify was real; you’re welcome for my great sacrifice:

Leave it to a billionaire to post about this on LinkedIn, of all places.

If you’re not familiar with Bryan Johnson, he’s the dude who was transfusing his teenage son’s blood plasma into himself in an effort to look and feel younger. Super normal, emotionally healthy behavior! As with most billionaires and CEOs I’m sure he has plenty of trusted friends in his orbit to tell him it’s not even working! Speaking of emotionally healthy behavior, Johnson (whose LinkedIn header image reads “DON’T DIE”) also ::checks notes:: boasted about his girlfriend’s vagina online, ranking it among “the top 1% of all vaginas” based on other, totally unnecessary testing methods. Excuse me: I wasn’t aware we were being ranked???

All of this backstory brings us to PoopCheck, which I learned of in a 404 Media piece by Jason Koebler titled (I am not joking):

Internet of Shit: AI Poop Analysis App Offered to Sell Me Database of Its Users’ Poops

. . . a headline I immediately added to my ongoing list of great headlines.

Honestly, you don’t need to read the full piece to understand the weirdness and ethical chicanery going on here. Uh, bottom line: Don’t trust your private health data to an app, kids! But it’s still worth a read—404 Media does great work covering the tech world, and it’s such weird and apt commentary on our current era.

4. Food forest

This phrase DELIGHTS me, and I think we can all use something wholesome and positive right now, no? I recently learned that a local nonprofit started a food forest a couple of miles from my home. Unfortunately, their site doesn’t explain what a food forest is, but I think it’s kind of self-explanatory.

Project Food Forest defines a food forest as:

Also called a forest garden, is a diverse planting of edible plants that attempts to mimic the ecosystems and patterns found in nature. Food forests are three dimensional designs, with life extending in all directions – up, down, and out.

The food forest in my town is on five acres and I’m really excited to see how it evolves.